Friday, December 21, 2007

New Age Fucking

“Hey Lloyd, I’m ready to be heartbroken
cause I can’t see further than my own nose at this moment.”
- Camera Obscura


Recently, I had the pleasure of merging with a kindred under a bright Pisces Moon. The connection, although erotic, was not necessarily of the ass-spanking variety. Our interactions were peppered with longing glances, soft caresses, and words of adoration. Eventually, due to my extended absence, suspicious friends begin to inquire about my apparent disappearance from the universe while puzzled lovers collectively scratched their heads as I ignored their calls.

Can love stand up against the bright light of the day? Or, are we just milking the dreamy glaze of fantasy with each passing face? How much “togetherness” can we tolerate before the dream is shattered and the veil is lifted? Does bliss fade when lovers physically separate? Will love withstand the separation?

These are all interesting questions that I will not answer. However, in not answering, if you pay attention, I have also answered. But, rather than play a rousing game of, “Riddle Me This”, let’s discuss fucking, in broad terms. As many of you know, Sally is in the business of nailing strangers without much ado. In some cases, names may be murky or even missing in their entirety. Since the most satisfying sexual escapades gratify anonymous gang bangs and forced sexual slavery, a deeper connection is not typically required or even desired.

What’s seriously funny (or not!) is Sally does not orgasm with strangers. Now, I think we can all agree sex is enjoyable whether you finish the job or not. But, if I know for a fact my random sex with strangers will not result in the Big O, why am I behaving like a mute fuck hole? Reader, I’m so glad you asked! But, I’m not going to answer this question either.

So, what else is there?

We cannot move through this Earth experience completely untouched and self-contained. Thus, once in a great while, a magician appears with his or her bag of tricks to pull the rug out from our feet to watch our knees hit the floor. Lucky for Sally, she is a dirt dweller. So, when one of these kindred spirits appears, clawing at the ground with bloody knees and palms does not faze me in the least.

We fall hard at these teachers/lovers/mentors feet because they have a special knack for “seeing the wound” and healing it. They know they’ve got it, the ambrosia; we need to swim in their cup and drink from its waters. Usually, there is a strong mutual recognition and acknowledgement of a soul connection under these conditions.

Unfortunately, serious emotional bonding, in my experience, rarely produces a fast & furious ass pummeling. Even if I politely request “whore treatment”, it’s unlikely to be granted. Soul merging and face spitting are generally not done in the same space. In fact, we may abandon the kinkier aspects of our nature, in order to focus the majority of attention on what is being emoted at the moment.

Tantric sex, although Eastern in origin has been westernized, pre-packaged and sold to the masses to promote emotional harmony and balance with partners. For example, there are thousands of workshops, instructional videos, and books published to demonstrate proper technique when performing a Lingham Massage. One is taught to “honor” their lover (or self!) through sacred sexual acts involving yoga and meditation.

Short Tantric Yoga Video



Here, we risk entering even more pristine territory, the holiest of the holy- the New Age Fuck. Before I continue, I must say, I am New Age girl. I read tarot cards, study astrology, and wholly embrace concepts like reincarnation, karma, and synchronicity. However, New Age Fucking is extremely offensive when it produces very little in the way of actual fucking. When we are required to treat our lovers as sacred deities rather than fellow human beings in order to fuck, I call bullshit.

I dare you to watch the video below without laughing.



Please note, I am not completely writing off the tantric movement as a whole, I am sure there are many benefits to its practice. Even so, this girl can only take so many “sacred yoni” references before lunch starts to rise in my throat. Sex can be an incredibly breath-taking soul affirming experience, but it also can be revered in the spirit of sport, physical challenge, and base animal lust.

Enough with the breathing and on to the fucking!

Happy Holidays!

Get ripped to shreds.

Love, Sally

1 comment:

Kat said...

That was a fantastic post. There's a lot of insight there. Although I tend to be a more passionate individual when it comes to sex, I think we all have that whore wish sometimes.