An AmBITCHous Slap Back

Commenting on the Comments

A friend emailed Sally about my previous post, "Blowing a Load in the Face of Misogynists" where he questioned my claim that ambitious women are not regard in a negative light. He asked Sally Sun to verify the hypothesis with research or statements of fact.

His comments state:

"I beg to differ, I have never once heard a human deem a womens' ambition, for any purpose, to be a poor trait."and

"What research, if any, is involved in the above statement..?"

First of all, hi John!

*waves*

Let me address your comments. This is huge topic. Here's the skinny.

For hundreds of years, there has been a little thing in place called the patriarchy. The patriarchy is rooted in traditional gender roles and economics- the economics of ass, and you guessed it- religion. The basic view of humanity (with the exception of a scattering of a few rebellious souls) is women are naturally inclined toward motherhood and the qualities "mothers", as an archetype, emulate. Women are "sensitive, nurturing, and doting" while men are "initiators, action-orientated, and less emotional" beings.

Now, this, in and of itself, isn't always negative. However, it IS negative when, as a society, we place more value and respect upon "leadership, initiatory, Type A personalities",- qualities TRADITIONALLY associated with "maleness", when, in the same breath, giving lip service to how "satisfying" a woman's secondary role as dependent caregiver is.

No doubt, in society, men AND women are punished for deviating from this mold. Men who are sensitive and emotional (and plenty are!) are seen as effeminate and subordinated- "girly men", so to speak. Women who are driven, goal-orientated, and non-emotional are "bitches" and ridiculed for not conforming to their gender norm.

See an article on MSN Money.

The tag line from the article reads:

"Today's talented, ambitious women are staying single in droves. Are they too busy, too picky or -- horrors -- too awesome?"

There is, and has been, many articles and books written about how women who are successful will have a more difficult time finding a mate than women for whom their career is secondary (i.e. non-threatening).

See an article called "Smart Women are Scary".

These beliefs and gender roles are deeply entrenched in society. If you want proof, try the bible. Lots of people read it and believe it.

For example: God assigns the particular role to each person:

(1) The Christian wife's role
(a) Glorify God

In the order of creation, man was created first.
a) Gen. 2:7,18,21-22
b) 1 Tim. 2:13
c) The husband was created to rule over the earth, the wife was created to be a "helper" suitable for him.
d) Both were created in God's image
e) Each was created to carry out a different role.
f) Who was created first, Adam or Eve? Regarding the role of the husband and wife, what is the significance of who was created first?

(01) Adam was created first. The order of creation has significance in the role of the husband and wife in that the husband was created to rule over the earth. The wife, later was created to be a"helper" that would be suitable for him.

3. Woman was created for the man, not man for the woman.

. The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife.
a) Eph. 5:23
b) The husband is the one in charge.
c) The husband delegates responsibilities to others, including the wife.

d) The model of Christ and the Church.

(01) The wife is to act out the church being submissive to and glorifying Christ.
(a) Eph. 5:22,24,32

(b) Christians are to submit to Jesus 'authority and use their energies to glorify Him

(i) Therefore, the wife should submit to her husband's authority and use her energies to glorify him.


If all my energy is spent "glorify and submitting" to my husband while acting as primary caregiver to my children, as the Church requires, then, I have succeed in my role as a "woman".

But exactly where is MY ambition addressed?

Oh, that's right! I'm not supposed to have any! And if I do have a strong drive, or just any drive at all, I am the proverbial "bitch on wheels" who will never be happy or find a mate.

Even if I manage to buck tradition and embrace ambition, I have a host of other challenges ahead. Forbes Money, in 2006, posted this piece on the glass ceiling and some of the unique problems women face.

From the article, a direct quote:

"Even before The Wall Street Journal coined the term "glass ceiling" 20 years ago, researchers debated why women seldom reach the highest ranks in business.
Do women choose less stressful jobs so they can enjoy life more? Are they shut out of golf games and other informal networks that help men make crucial professional contacts?

"A new study adds fuel to the fire. About 70% of women and 57% of men believe an invisible barrier--a glass ceiling--prevents women from getting ahead in business, according to a study of 1,200 executives in eight countries, including the U.S., Australia, Austria and the Philippines. Consulting firm Accenture released the study on March 8 in conjunction with International Women's Day. "

Even in the U.S., some experts say the glass ceiling doesn't affect job satisfaction. Women make sacrifices at work in exchange for greater happiness in their lives as a whole, says Warren Farrell, author of Why Men Earn More.
His book offers 25 reasons for the pay gap: Women work fewer hours, for example, and they don't stay at jobs as long as men do. Whether its nature or socialization driving their decisions, women tend to choose lives that allow them to spend more time with their families, Farrell contends.

Even ambitious women don't measure success in high salaries and fancy job titles. Relationships with colleagues and giving back to the community are more important to women than salary, according to 'The Hidden Brain Drain: Off-Ramps and On-Ramps in Women's Careers,' a study by the Center for Work-Life Policy, which was published in the Harvard Business Review last year. "

As you can see, this is a complex issue with layers of bullshit to sift through. But, for women, economic self-sufficiency is Thee Path of Freedom---the freedom to make life choices that are in line with our values and needs.

For instance, lately, a close female friend has been floundering financially. She is a very ambitious talented woman, but she focuses the majority of her energy on the obsessive involvement and care of others. Professionally, this fabulous woman is in a career slump.

However, a month ago, she met a very special man. He has a big house, and promptly asked her to move in, after her landlord raised her rent. Even though she likes this guy, she is not certain it would be good for her, or the relationship, to move so quickly.

Yet, her financial situation is dire and she is seriously considering his offer.

Some women, like my friend, may make poor relationship decisions based on survival. Because she is compulsively nurturing everyone around her, she is not taking care of herself. In the end, she must depend on another for survival. Now, this might work, if the breadwinner is a damn good person (i.e. not controlling, selfish, or abusive) but, if not, the lesson is clear- take care of yourself first (AMBITION!) and you will not be at the mercy of another's hands.

Then, the choices one makes will truly reflect one's values, which, in the end, is a key ingredient to a happy fruitful life- or destiny fulfilled.

Ambitious drive is the heart of success and this woman is fucking hungry!

Go Go Ambitious Whore!

With love, (and brains that I use daily)

~SS

Doing it for dollars and a fancy man

I once knew a man who was obsessed with his own reflection and all the things I would do to further his ambition. And even though he promised not to zap my life force, I was nourishment for his nocturnal feedings.

And so, we made the deal.

The cock squad promptly revoked my self-will card. And I bowed. And so did every other woman who was captured in his mirror.

I spent hours there, but I don’t think he ever saw.

Now, listen to the money talk.

~S.S.

Ego Games & the Affect on Sex

“if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials
I’d be joining you”

-Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, Alanis Morissette

The other day, as my lover pounded my ass, he informed me that I, Sally Sunshine, have fallen victim to one of the Seven Deadly’s. Excessive Pride. In his opinion, my sinful narcissism was interfering with my listening skills and respect for him as an individual. Flabbergasted, I pulled back and demanded an explanation. He gently removed himself from my hind quarters, and attempted to shave off some of my inflated ego.

According to him, I have an unfortunate habit proclaiming my slut status loudly in mixed company. The guy, predictably, corrects me in public and frowns disapprovingly every time I utter a profane word. Evidently, Sally’s “I’ll do what I want, when I want” attitude has offended him in epic portions. When confronted about my total lack of disregard for social convention, I dismissed it and continued on with my behavior. He used this example to demonstrate how my “excessive pride” was hindering our interactions and any hope for future liaisons.

Now, even if my new lover’s head is inserted in his ass, being prone to belly button examination, I decided to investigate my relationship to ego and pride. Is my ego over compensating for another inadequacy? Am I using my proud stance on sluttiness as purely an ego tool or am I a honest to God slut?

My eagerness to question myself was compounded after a strange experience with a different lover early last week. I found this other lover at the local tavern during Thanksgiving break. A spirited-ballsy Leo, this dude began his formal “how do you do” by throwing a belt around my neck, tightening it up, and pulling me close for a big sloppy kiss. Now, Sally isn’t often overtaken with such brazen force, so, understandably, I was surprised. And sold. I departed with him to an undisclosed location about twenty minutes later.

Upon arrival, I discovered my feelings for my spirited Leo had shifted. He immediately started bragging about how much money his family had, and then, his own materialistic success coupled with his aptitude for nailing bitches. I stifled a yawn, hoping he would at least shut up so I could enjoy the belt without any distractions.

He had stated his intentions to dominate earlier, but I knew I wouldn’t hand over control that easily. When we finally made it to the bedroom, the psychological dynamic was competitive and ego-ridden. Both of us were trying to “one up” the other, in order to be recognized as the most fancy free freak of the pair. Like two lions perched on our thrones, neither one of us were budging to crawl down. Oddly enough, in reality, neither one of us were dominating, our egos, or false selves were instead.

Frustrated, I marched my half-naked ass out of the bedroom to collect my things. Here was my chance to have the sex I really wanted with a perfect stranger and I was throwing it away because of an abundance of ego energy. My spirited Leo, a bit deflated, pleaded with me not to go. Then, he asked an outrageous question. Was my sluttiness just an act, or was I the real deal?

Readers, imagine my disgust. I was offended. Me, not slutty? Sir, I beg your pardon! I quickly responded with my favorite whore-riffic fantasy and relayed all the gory details. Suddenly, my Leo was “filled with the spirit”, and was ready for action. He kindly responded with a sexy secret of his own, and finally, my pussy was wet too. After we discarded any fake pretenses, we ravished each other like lions, barely aware of the throne we jumped down from, but nonetheless, thankful for the renewed burst of psychic energy.

I left my exhausted Leo at 5:30 am, sleeping soundly in his jungle-themed bedroom, to lick his wounds. I also had wounds of my own to consider. Undeniably, I am a first rate slut, but I’ve used my promiscuity as a shield. This shield has been hoisted up against my heart for a long time and it’s served its purpose. However, as I begin to unravel the many layers of my “false self”, I’ve realized ego and pride have no place in the bedroom. And, since what happens in the bedroom is a metaphor for life, ego and pride, when taken to the extreme, will destroy any shot at happiness in life.

False pride, along with fake interactions, and bullshit posturing belongs in the trash can with all the other garbage. I know it’s easier said than done, but, I’m hauling my over-flowing trash bag to the dumpster tonight.

Will you?

Sally Sunshine