Did anyone else notice how bi-sexuality is often equated with promiscuity? Now, this girl isn’t saying she doesn’t enjoy a good ol’ fashion romp without strings attached, but in this day and age, it’s not the safest of alternatives.
Even so, bisexuals have an interesting relationship to society, especially when our sexual selves are constantly on display.
The ambiguousness of our choices baffle others, yet they have no problem including us as a welcome distraction to their boring stale relationships. All bisexuals have heard it… “how about a threesome? come home with me and my girlfriend.” Or as my ex-boyfriend so obnoxiously said, “you owe it to me”, when discussing the possibility of including a third person. Now call me naïve, but I don’t believe bisexuality is the same as polygyny. With each new relationship, I have to explain myself over and over again. While there may be some bisexuals who play on both teams simultaneously, I, personally, do not. If I’m with a woman, I’m with her, and if I’m with a man, I’m with him. It’s that simple.
However, bisexuals often have a hard time getting others to take their sexuality seriously. I have to admit; knowing a girl is bisexual and not gay would cause me to approach the relationship with a little more trepidation than I might otherwise. As there are different factions of bisexuals with different beliefs and one can never be too sure of what they’ve signed up for. The idea of loving a man or a woman equally has been a serious roadblock in several of my relationships as many people equate this philosophy with infidelity. But, in order to find our true identity we must struggle with the ignorance and judgments of others, over and over again. Desire is a nebulous concept and attraction often a chemical reaction that sparks a fire inside of us, yet it is not gender which draws another to us. Gender isn’t even half of the story.
Most people are blind to their desires, letting each passing tingle fade away, even if it challenges them to redefine their own sexuality. Still, the seeds of desire grow in each of us, threatening to disturb our carefully laid plans and partnerships. It must be dealt with. Bisexuals are closer to this energy and embody the image of duality, as the seeds of desire spin inside of us eternally. However, it would serve hetero and homosexuals to remember their more base natures; they aren’t as far from the seed as they think.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
In A Nuclear Haze
Our president can’t pronounce the world “nuclear”, yet with the advent of North Korea’s underground nuclear test, we find ourselves living with the threat of nuclear warfare.When Bush included North Korea in the “axis of evil” during a speech, he did more harm than good as relations between the US and North Korea has since deteriorated. North Korea wants to be taken seriously as a “force to reckoned with” in the international community. However, North Korea is like the delinquent child who misbehaves and causes havoc, just to get attention from the principal. The country now faces sanctions imposed by the United Nations as a result of their nuclear test. North Korea seems poised to undergo second nuclear test in the near future as well. Many argue that China is really the only country in a position to engage in meaningful dialogue with Kim Jong, the country’s “great leader” who is worshiped in almost god-like fashion.
Lack of resources and shortages exist under Kim Jong’s leadership, as many Koreans have died of famine and starvation due to economic hardship. In communist North Korea, radios must be set to pre-approved stations and most TV stations are state-sponsored. Koreans are routinely bombarded with messages about the greatness of their leader and West’s desire to destroy their way of life. When North Korean’s attempt to cross the border into China defectors are tortured and imprisoned when they are caught. Most Korean’s, upon entering China, find the Chinese have more wealth and freedom than they do. The problem with power-hungry elitists like Kim Jong is that he will sacrifice the livelihood, and in some cases the actual lives of his people to feed his monstrous ego. He will tell lies, manipulate, and coerce innocents so he can remain in power.
The article below is written by a German doctor who was allowed access to the very private inner-workings of the average North Korean’s world.
A Prison Country
A report from inside North Korea.
BY NORBERT VOLLERTSEN
Tuesday, April 17, 2001 12:01 a.m. EDT
I know North Korea. I have lived there, and have witnessed its hell and madness.
I was a doctor with a German medical group, "Cap Anamur," and entered North Korea in July 1999. I remained until my expulsion on Dec. 30, 2000, after I denounced the regime for its abuse of human rights, and its failure to distribute food aid to the people who needed it most. North Korea's starvation is not the result of natural disasters. The calamity is man-made. Only the regime's overthrow will end it.
Human rights are nonexistent. Peasants, slaves to the regime, lead lives of utter destitution. It is as if a basic right to exist--to be--is denied. Ordinary people starve and die. They are detained at the caprice of the regime. Forced labor is the basic way in which "order" is maintained.
I will recount some of my experiences. Early in my spell in North Korea I was summoned to treat a workman who had been badly burned by molten iron.
I volunteered my own skin to be grafted onto him. With a penknife, my skin was pulled from my left thigh and applied to the patient. For this, I was acclaimed by the state media--the only media--and awarded the Friendship Medal, one of only two foreigners ever to receive this honor.
I was also issued a "VIP passport" and a driver's license, which allowed me to travel to areas inaccessible to foreigners and ordinary citizens. I secretly photographed patients and their decrepit surroundings. Though I was assigned to a children's hospital in Pyongsong, 10 miles north of Pyongyang, I visited many hospitals in other provinces. In each one, I found unbelievable deprivation. Crude rubber drips were hooked to patients from old beer bottles. There were no bandages, scalpels, antibiotics or operation facilities, only broken beds on which children lay waiting to die. The children were emaciated, stunted, mute, emotionally depleted.
In the hospitals one sees kids too small for their age, with hollow eyes and skin stretched tight across their faces. They wear blue-and-white striped pajamas, like the children in Hitler's Auschwitz. They are so malnourished, so drained of resistance, that a flu can kill them. Why are there so many orphans? Where are all the parents? What passes here for family life?
In North Korea, a repressive apparatus uncoils whenever there is criticism. The suffocation, by surveillance, shadowing, wiretapping and mail interception, is total. Most patients in hospitals suffer from psychosomatic illnesses, worn out by compulsory drills, innumerable parades, "patriotic" assemblies at six in the morning and droning propaganda. They are toilworn, prostrate, at the end of their tether. Clinical depression is rampant. Alcoholism is common because of mindnumbing rigidities, regimentation and hopelessness. In patients' eyes I saw no life, only lassitude and a constant fear.
Once, I had an opportunity to visit my driver, a member of the military, who was in the hospital because of injury. The authorities were vexed that I wanted to see him, but I was able to overcome objections. As was my custom on hospital visits, I took bandages and antibiotics--basics. On this occasion, I was embarrassed to see that, unlike any other hospital I visited, this one looked as modern as any in Germany. It was equipped with the latest medical apparatus, such as magnetic resonance imaging, ultrasound, electrocardiograms and X-ray machines. There are two worlds in North Korea, one for the senior military and the elite; and a living hell for the rest.
I didn't see any improvement in the availability of food and medicine in any of the hospitals I worked in during my entire stay. One can only imagine what conditions are like in the "reform institutions," where whole families are imprisoned when any one member does or says something that offends the regime. These camps are closed to foreigners.
My initial naiveté that the starvation was the result of weather conditions disappeared when I saw that much of the food aid was being denied those who needed it most. Before Cap Anamur came to North Korea, other agencies such as Oxfam and CARE pulled out because they weren't allowed to distribute aid directly to the people. They had to turn it over to the authorities, who took complete charge of distribution. Monitoring is impossible. Nobody really knows where the aid is going, except that it is not going to the starving citizens.
If a doctor's diagnosis is that North Korea suffers from society-wide fear and depression because of the cruel system, he has to think about the right therapy and to speak out against repression. The international community, especially humanitarian groups, must demand access to the shadowy world of labor camps. They have to look for the violence that is hidden from us by the system.
The system's beneficiaries are members of the Communist Party and high-ranking military personnel. In Pyongyang, these people enjoy a comfortable lifestyle--obscene in the context--with fancy restaurants and nightclubs. In diplomatic shops, they can buy such delicacies as Argentine steak, with which they supplement their supplies of food diverted from humanitarian aid. In the countryside, starving people, bypassed by the aid intended for them, forage for food. Pyongyang is fooling the world.
As a German, I know too well the guilt of my grandparents' generation for its silence under the Nazis. I feel it is my duty to expose this satanic regime, which has deified "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il, just as it did his late father.
Even though virtually the entire North Korean economy is geared to the military, we should help ordinary citizens. But this must be on condition that aid goes to the deserving. Foreign NGOs, journalists and diplomats must be free to travel unannounced to the provinces to ensure that aid isn't misdirected. Only pressure on North Korea can save lives. The people can't help themselves. They are brainwashed, and too afraid to be able to overthrow their rulers. That's the medical diagnosis. Only the outside world can administer the right therapy, and bring about a reformation of this depraved nation.
Dr. Vollertsen, a physician from Germany, worked in hospitals in North Korea from July 1999 to December 2000.
Kim Jong uses this “closed system” to brainwash and terrify the citizens of North Korea. I was astounded to find the references and stories of human right violations in this country. Most people don’t hear about it, as very few foreigners are allowed access to North Korea, and it’s inhabitants aren’t exactly encouraged to leave (torture and prison awaits for those who try.) Kim Jong will continue to use his “subjects” to support his militaristic state until he drives these people into total and complete desperation, if they aren’t there already.
Although the threat of nuclear warfare hangs in the air, we must also remember that this is Kim Jong’s military regime, and not the actions of the average North Korean, who is far too oppressed and brainwashed to be blamed for the actions of a very evil leader.
Kim Jong creates an atmosphere of complete deprivation to keep the people spiritually, emotionally, and physically weak. One can only hope someday his “subjects” will escape from his hellish grip. Below are the song lyrics I imagine a North Korean might use to address their corrupt government and the sorrow within.
Nuclear Daydream- Joseph Arthur
You can hold your needle
You can point your gun
You can shoot and kill me
Or you could let me run
But I won't ever cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
If there's a plan then tell me
If you know who you are
A princess or a mummy
A flower or a scar
So I don't have to cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
Are now gone
What's it like to lose control
Are you even here at all
This is a nuclear daydream
It's my atomic bomb
I already lost my passage
I already lost our home
So I won't ever cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
There's only dreams and numbers
And wishes left unsaid
In all the burning letters
Underneath our bed
I won't ever cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
Lack of resources and shortages exist under Kim Jong’s leadership, as many Koreans have died of famine and starvation due to economic hardship. In communist North Korea, radios must be set to pre-approved stations and most TV stations are state-sponsored. Koreans are routinely bombarded with messages about the greatness of their leader and West’s desire to destroy their way of life. When North Korean’s attempt to cross the border into China defectors are tortured and imprisoned when they are caught. Most Korean’s, upon entering China, find the Chinese have more wealth and freedom than they do. The problem with power-hungry elitists like Kim Jong is that he will sacrifice the livelihood, and in some cases the actual lives of his people to feed his monstrous ego. He will tell lies, manipulate, and coerce innocents so he can remain in power.
The article below is written by a German doctor who was allowed access to the very private inner-workings of the average North Korean’s world.
A Prison Country
A report from inside North Korea.
BY NORBERT VOLLERTSEN
Tuesday, April 17, 2001 12:01 a.m. EDT
I know North Korea. I have lived there, and have witnessed its hell and madness.
I was a doctor with a German medical group, "Cap Anamur," and entered North Korea in July 1999. I remained until my expulsion on Dec. 30, 2000, after I denounced the regime for its abuse of human rights, and its failure to distribute food aid to the people who needed it most. North Korea's starvation is not the result of natural disasters. The calamity is man-made. Only the regime's overthrow will end it.
Human rights are nonexistent. Peasants, slaves to the regime, lead lives of utter destitution. It is as if a basic right to exist--to be--is denied. Ordinary people starve and die. They are detained at the caprice of the regime. Forced labor is the basic way in which "order" is maintained.
I will recount some of my experiences. Early in my spell in North Korea I was summoned to treat a workman who had been badly burned by molten iron.
I volunteered my own skin to be grafted onto him. With a penknife, my skin was pulled from my left thigh and applied to the patient. For this, I was acclaimed by the state media--the only media--and awarded the Friendship Medal, one of only two foreigners ever to receive this honor.
I was also issued a "VIP passport" and a driver's license, which allowed me to travel to areas inaccessible to foreigners and ordinary citizens. I secretly photographed patients and their decrepit surroundings. Though I was assigned to a children's hospital in Pyongsong, 10 miles north of Pyongyang, I visited many hospitals in other provinces. In each one, I found unbelievable deprivation. Crude rubber drips were hooked to patients from old beer bottles. There were no bandages, scalpels, antibiotics or operation facilities, only broken beds on which children lay waiting to die. The children were emaciated, stunted, mute, emotionally depleted.
In the hospitals one sees kids too small for their age, with hollow eyes and skin stretched tight across their faces. They wear blue-and-white striped pajamas, like the children in Hitler's Auschwitz. They are so malnourished, so drained of resistance, that a flu can kill them. Why are there so many orphans? Where are all the parents? What passes here for family life?
In North Korea, a repressive apparatus uncoils whenever there is criticism. The suffocation, by surveillance, shadowing, wiretapping and mail interception, is total. Most patients in hospitals suffer from psychosomatic illnesses, worn out by compulsory drills, innumerable parades, "patriotic" assemblies at six in the morning and droning propaganda. They are toilworn, prostrate, at the end of their tether. Clinical depression is rampant. Alcoholism is common because of mindnumbing rigidities, regimentation and hopelessness. In patients' eyes I saw no life, only lassitude and a constant fear.
Once, I had an opportunity to visit my driver, a member of the military, who was in the hospital because of injury. The authorities were vexed that I wanted to see him, but I was able to overcome objections. As was my custom on hospital visits, I took bandages and antibiotics--basics. On this occasion, I was embarrassed to see that, unlike any other hospital I visited, this one looked as modern as any in Germany. It was equipped with the latest medical apparatus, such as magnetic resonance imaging, ultrasound, electrocardiograms and X-ray machines. There are two worlds in North Korea, one for the senior military and the elite; and a living hell for the rest.
I didn't see any improvement in the availability of food and medicine in any of the hospitals I worked in during my entire stay. One can only imagine what conditions are like in the "reform institutions," where whole families are imprisoned when any one member does or says something that offends the regime. These camps are closed to foreigners.
My initial naiveté that the starvation was the result of weather conditions disappeared when I saw that much of the food aid was being denied those who needed it most. Before Cap Anamur came to North Korea, other agencies such as Oxfam and CARE pulled out because they weren't allowed to distribute aid directly to the people. They had to turn it over to the authorities, who took complete charge of distribution. Monitoring is impossible. Nobody really knows where the aid is going, except that it is not going to the starving citizens.
If a doctor's diagnosis is that North Korea suffers from society-wide fear and depression because of the cruel system, he has to think about the right therapy and to speak out against repression. The international community, especially humanitarian groups, must demand access to the shadowy world of labor camps. They have to look for the violence that is hidden from us by the system.
The system's beneficiaries are members of the Communist Party and high-ranking military personnel. In Pyongyang, these people enjoy a comfortable lifestyle--obscene in the context--with fancy restaurants and nightclubs. In diplomatic shops, they can buy such delicacies as Argentine steak, with which they supplement their supplies of food diverted from humanitarian aid. In the countryside, starving people, bypassed by the aid intended for them, forage for food. Pyongyang is fooling the world.
As a German, I know too well the guilt of my grandparents' generation for its silence under the Nazis. I feel it is my duty to expose this satanic regime, which has deified "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il, just as it did his late father.
Even though virtually the entire North Korean economy is geared to the military, we should help ordinary citizens. But this must be on condition that aid goes to the deserving. Foreign NGOs, journalists and diplomats must be free to travel unannounced to the provinces to ensure that aid isn't misdirected. Only pressure on North Korea can save lives. The people can't help themselves. They are brainwashed, and too afraid to be able to overthrow their rulers. That's the medical diagnosis. Only the outside world can administer the right therapy, and bring about a reformation of this depraved nation.
Dr. Vollertsen, a physician from Germany, worked in hospitals in North Korea from July 1999 to December 2000.
Kim Jong uses this “closed system” to brainwash and terrify the citizens of North Korea. I was astounded to find the references and stories of human right violations in this country. Most people don’t hear about it, as very few foreigners are allowed access to North Korea, and it’s inhabitants aren’t exactly encouraged to leave (torture and prison awaits for those who try.) Kim Jong will continue to use his “subjects” to support his militaristic state until he drives these people into total and complete desperation, if they aren’t there already.
Although the threat of nuclear warfare hangs in the air, we must also remember that this is Kim Jong’s military regime, and not the actions of the average North Korean, who is far too oppressed and brainwashed to be blamed for the actions of a very evil leader.
Kim Jong creates an atmosphere of complete deprivation to keep the people spiritually, emotionally, and physically weak. One can only hope someday his “subjects” will escape from his hellish grip. Below are the song lyrics I imagine a North Korean might use to address their corrupt government and the sorrow within.
Nuclear Daydream- Joseph Arthur
You can hold your needle
You can point your gun
You can shoot and kill me
Or you could let me run
But I won't ever cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
If there's a plan then tell me
If you know who you are
A princess or a mummy
A flower or a scar
So I don't have to cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
Are now gone
What's it like to lose control
Are you even here at all
This is a nuclear daydream
It's my atomic bomb
I already lost my passage
I already lost our home
So I won't ever cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
There's only dreams and numbers
And wishes left unsaid
In all the burning letters
Underneath our bed
I won't ever cry for you anymore
The days when I would die for you are now gone
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Baby, you can leave your hat on. (Remembering why)
Sometimes I wonder why I still live in this city.
A long time ago we stayed up until the snow plows barreled through this city while we touched each other tenderly. You see, I created a secret life where I could hide. And in the privacy of our room, it seemed like a great idea. We would throw secret parties, proclaiming our love, letting the rest of world guess what it was like to be us. Then, there were the late nights, the endless smoke fests and alcohol lips pressed against each other. Candles burned well into the next day and dates lasted days long. The phones were left off their hooks, the blinds closed, exploring one another’s bodies in the last flickers of the day light. We spoke in soft tones, not to upset the delicate balance of you and me, wrapped up in the sheets. And when you held me, our legs touched easily, we fit perfectly. You always held me so tightly, when we were alone in that fantasy.
And sometimes I wonder what’s left for me.
And I will not, I will not, I will not…
find
anyone
but
you
while
I am
alone
in this
city
You Can Leave Your Hat On- Tom Jones
Baby, take off your coat, real slow.
Baby, take off your shoes. I'll help you take off your shoes.
Baby, take off your dress.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
Go over there, turn on the light. No, all the lights.
Come back here, stand on the chair.
Raise your arms in the air
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You can leave your hat on
Suspicious minds are talking. That's right, they'll tear us apart.
They don't believe in this love of ours.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
I know what love is.
You can leave your hat on.
A long time ago we stayed up until the snow plows barreled through this city while we touched each other tenderly. You see, I created a secret life where I could hide. And in the privacy of our room, it seemed like a great idea. We would throw secret parties, proclaiming our love, letting the rest of world guess what it was like to be us. Then, there were the late nights, the endless smoke fests and alcohol lips pressed against each other. Candles burned well into the next day and dates lasted days long. The phones were left off their hooks, the blinds closed, exploring one another’s bodies in the last flickers of the day light. We spoke in soft tones, not to upset the delicate balance of you and me, wrapped up in the sheets. And when you held me, our legs touched easily, we fit perfectly. You always held me so tightly, when we were alone in that fantasy.
And sometimes I wonder what’s left for me.
And I will not, I will not, I will not…
find
anyone
but
you
while
I am
alone
in this
city
You Can Leave Your Hat On- Tom Jones
Baby, take off your coat, real slow.
Baby, take off your shoes. I'll help you take off your shoes.
Baby, take off your dress.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
You can leave your hat on.
Go over there, turn on the light. No, all the lights.
Come back here, stand on the chair.
Raise your arms in the air
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You give me reason to live.
You can leave your hat on
Suspicious minds are talking. That's right, they'll tear us apart.
They don't believe in this love of ours.
They don't know what love is.
They don't know what love is.
I know what love is.
You can leave your hat on.
Monday, October 16, 2006
The Weekend's Rage
All weekend long the rage was on. People fighting, attacking, screaming, name-calling and destroying, and everyone made a good show of it. No one was immune to it. Relationships ended and we all acted like we didn’t care. We danced and laughed anyway.
The layers of anger were astounding, and I too found myself at the mercy of my bitter side. In a salute to the rage-y-ness encountered in others and myself I’m posting these lyrics. How fitting.
Volcano- Damien Rice
Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around volcanoes
it’ll melt you down
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea
Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
volcanoes melt me down
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
what I give to you
Is what I’m going through
This is nothing new
just another phase of finding what I really need
Volcanoes melt me down
I kissed your mouth
you do not need me
And of course a little more for him. I imagine this is what you might have said to me on Saturday night if you hadn’t called me fucking bitch instead.
"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" – Panic! At the Disco
Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
The layers of anger were astounding, and I too found myself at the mercy of my bitter side. In a salute to the rage-y-ness encountered in others and myself I’m posting these lyrics. How fitting.
Volcano- Damien Rice
Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around volcanoes
it’ll melt you down
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea
Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth your back
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
volcanoes melt me down
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
what I give to you
Is what I’m going through
This is nothing new
just another phase of finding what I really need
Volcanoes melt me down
I kissed your mouth
you do not need me
And of course a little more for him. I imagine this is what you might have said to me on Saturday night if you hadn’t called me fucking bitch instead.
"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" – Panic! At the Disco
Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Swallowing Tar
I’m on a conveyor belt with a young woman on our hands and knees. She is being held against her will. I am helping her escape from her captors. They have trapped her on this sliding platform and every few minutes the belt slides backward and she swallows. She swallows mud, tar, and all the toxic shit around her. It seeps in, enclosing her in heaviness. I try to save her as the belt moves closer to the rotting mess behind us. I begin to negotiate with her; it will be easy to leave, if she’ll just listen to me. However, I can feel the tar against my feet and I think “I’m going to suffocate, I will die here.” But, in the nick of time, she changes her mind and we jump of the belt on to solid ground and we run. Crossing the empty school yard, we finally pass through the fence and our lungs open up as we breathe.
Obviously, this is a dream. I had this dream in the wee hours of the morning of October 15th. Eventually, my phone rang and snapped me back into reality. But the images from the dream lingered for the rest of the day, the details etched in my brain. I called a friend immediately and relayed it to him, ending with “analyze that Freud”. Although, I realize we are the best interpreters when it comes to our own subconscious. So I got to work, a little self-analysis never hurts.
How many lies have our parents told us? Have they lied to us about God? About death? Have they implanted in our brains various negative beliefs about who we are? Will we spend years untangling this mess? Maybe, may be not. It depends on our willingness to leave the black hole we’ve been festering in for too long. If we hold on to our tragedies, trapping ourselves in their image, we may rob ourselves of our right to become who we are. It’s time to get off the belt and run. Let’s breathe clean air, let’s move to higher ground, and keep it moving. The lies will be discarded along the way. With a clear mind, unpolluted and sharp as a razor, we will rise.
Obviously, this is a dream. I had this dream in the wee hours of the morning of October 15th. Eventually, my phone rang and snapped me back into reality. But the images from the dream lingered for the rest of the day, the details etched in my brain. I called a friend immediately and relayed it to him, ending with “analyze that Freud”. Although, I realize we are the best interpreters when it comes to our own subconscious. So I got to work, a little self-analysis never hurts.
How many lies have our parents told us? Have they lied to us about God? About death? Have they implanted in our brains various negative beliefs about who we are? Will we spend years untangling this mess? Maybe, may be not. It depends on our willingness to leave the black hole we’ve been festering in for too long. If we hold on to our tragedies, trapping ourselves in their image, we may rob ourselves of our right to become who we are. It’s time to get off the belt and run. Let’s breathe clean air, let’s move to higher ground, and keep it moving. The lies will be discarded along the way. With a clear mind, unpolluted and sharp as a razor, we will rise.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
A Change Would Do You Good
Last night an old friend called me in tears, her relationship ended a few days ago and as a result she was questioning her part in the break-up. Evidently, she was feeling pretty tortured because she asked me to pray for her. The essence of what she was experiencing is not new to me, or anyone else who’s been involved in an unsuccessful relationship. The experience of losing someone you love is powerful, and littered with vestiges from the past. Does that knife in your heart twisting about remind you of the past? Sometimes our pain comes in the form of a blessing, or a teacher, but it can be hard to appreciate a dull blade, some people really work it in slow. My friend was wondering about her ability to trust, since her lack of trust was destroying all of her relationships. Although, I believe she has inherited an extreme amount of anxiety about relationships from her mother, she’s much more equipped to deal with this than her mother is or was. So, her question got my wheels spinning. Basically, she said she understood her problem, but felt unable to change. She asked, “How can I change?”
I didn’t have a quick fix for her. This advice maven was left speechless. Imagine that! I was confounded, how does someone change? Is it a process? Is it something we “do?” Can we see it happen like in nature when a caterpillar transforms into butterfly? It seems to me insects have it easier than us. As rational beings, we understand how we are broken and where the holes are, but who or what will fill us up? I’ve always had a gift for being able to pin point people’s holes, but when they inevitably ask, “Well, what should I do about it?” I’m at a loss for words. And as the saying goes, “I cannot save you, I can’t even save myself.” If I knew the answer I would run around saving everyone, including myself. These holes are like massive bleeding wounds that won’t stop gushing, and it just gets bloodier and messier with each pattern we repeat. My friend knows she doesn’t trust people, and with each relationship, her expectation of unfaithfulness permeates through the atmosphere. Prospective partners who also have similar patterns hook into this image and work it thoroughly. We will bang our heads against the cement until we “get it”.
Fear of Change- Transformation in Reverse
The more we regress and resist the necessity of change the harder the lessons come. This regression serves as retraction of energy, spirit, and our livelihood. We work backward into our pain again, layering ourselves with the comfort of wrapping it all up. This massive cocooning humans take part in seems instinctual and primitive, but the developments of our intellectual and emotional facilities are fostered by stepping out and taking a risk, exploring new territory. Why, then, are we so afraid? And why are some people less afraid than others?
To be certain, most people are unaware an inner revolution is beginning inside of them, as they stumble from one day to next. But, as fully conscious beings we have a responsibility to stay connected, self-awareness is critical to our survival.
Recently, I have been reading Frank Kafka’s, Metamorphosis, which is an interesting exploration of the dehumanization, alienation, and mental isolation people fear or experience when going through an intense transformation. Will the people I love still accept me? Will I able to relate to the people I love afterward? All of these questions weigh heavy in the minds and hearts of those who are transcending their old reality.
See below an explanation of insect metamorphosis:
Metamorphosis refers to a major change of form or structure during development.
One of the most dramatic forms of metamorphosis is the change from the immature insect into the adult form. Most of the major insect orders have a typical life cycle which consists of an egg, which hatches into a larva which feeds, moults and grows larger, pupates, then emerges as an adult insect that looks very different from the larva. These insects are often called 'Holometabolous', meaning they undergo a complete (Holo = total) change (metabolous = metamorphosis or change). Those which have immature stages similar in shape to the adult minus the wings are called 'Hemimetabolous', meaning they undergo partial or incomplete (Hemi = part) change.
Metamorphosis is one of the key elements that explains why insects are so successful. Many insects have immature stages with completely different habitats from the adults. This means that insects can often exploit valuable food resources while still being able to disperse into new habitats as winged adults. The potential for adaptation and evolution is greatly enhanced by metamorphosis.
There is an important feature to note regarding metamorphosis. Insects are not able to mate and reproduce until they undergo their final moult or emerge from a pupa as a winged adult. Wings do not appear until the final moult (the one exception to this is the Ephemeroptera, or Mayflies). When you see an insect with wings, it is fully grown.
In closing, I’d like to leave you with some Lauryn Hill lyrics from her Unplugged album. The song speaks of the internal struggle so many of us face as we try to cleanse, rebuild, and transform our reality.
Oh Jerusalem- Lauryn Hill
Realizing that there's no place else to go
And there's nobody I know who can help me
Text book solutions are so improbable
Cause everybody else is just as empty
Naked as the day that I was born, I tried to hide
...behind education and philosophy
Hopeless explanation to describe a situation
I can't see because the world's on top of me
Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death
Freeing me from dust, and the superficial trust
Of an enemy that seeks to take my breath
Failing to connect, cuz I'm morally defect
By reason of the God inside my head
Causing me to see, only what pertains to me
Believing I'm alive when I'm still dead
Limited to earth, unable to find out my worth
Cause I can't see past my own vanity
If I'm not included, then I just have to remove it
From my mind because it has to be insanity
Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death
Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor
In this staged interpretation of this day
Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light
Too intelligent to see it's me in the way
What a paradox, having God trapped in a box
All this time professing to be spiritual
Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem, keeping thee from perfection
Submit to truth, leave the deception of thy youth
So we could walk in the council of authority
Forget the proof, our generation so aloof
Only follow in the steps of the majority
Trust in the Lord, with all thy heart
And lay not to thine, oh an understanding in all thy ways
Acknowledge Him, and He shall correct our paths
We judge and condemn, just as ignorant as them
Who religion tells us that we should ignore
Perpetrating we're in covenant with Him
Exposed by the very things that we adore
We grin and shake hands, then lay ambush for the man
Who has a different point of view then us
Infuriated cause he doesn't understand
Bringing up those things we don't want to discuss
Why we still do evil, we don't know how to do good
Walking on in darkness running from the light
Led to believe, because we live in neighborhoods
Telling us what's going on, it will be alright
Oh so repressed, so convinced that I was blessed
When I played with my game of Monopoly
Oh to suggest, that my life is still a mess
the pride I'm hiding is what's stopping me
Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem keeping me from perfection
I didn’t have a quick fix for her. This advice maven was left speechless. Imagine that! I was confounded, how does someone change? Is it a process? Is it something we “do?” Can we see it happen like in nature when a caterpillar transforms into butterfly? It seems to me insects have it easier than us. As rational beings, we understand how we are broken and where the holes are, but who or what will fill us up? I’ve always had a gift for being able to pin point people’s holes, but when they inevitably ask, “Well, what should I do about it?” I’m at a loss for words. And as the saying goes, “I cannot save you, I can’t even save myself.” If I knew the answer I would run around saving everyone, including myself. These holes are like massive bleeding wounds that won’t stop gushing, and it just gets bloodier and messier with each pattern we repeat. My friend knows she doesn’t trust people, and with each relationship, her expectation of unfaithfulness permeates through the atmosphere. Prospective partners who also have similar patterns hook into this image and work it thoroughly. We will bang our heads against the cement until we “get it”.
Fear of Change- Transformation in Reverse
The more we regress and resist the necessity of change the harder the lessons come. This regression serves as retraction of energy, spirit, and our livelihood. We work backward into our pain again, layering ourselves with the comfort of wrapping it all up. This massive cocooning humans take part in seems instinctual and primitive, but the developments of our intellectual and emotional facilities are fostered by stepping out and taking a risk, exploring new territory. Why, then, are we so afraid? And why are some people less afraid than others?
To be certain, most people are unaware an inner revolution is beginning inside of them, as they stumble from one day to next. But, as fully conscious beings we have a responsibility to stay connected, self-awareness is critical to our survival.
Recently, I have been reading Frank Kafka’s, Metamorphosis, which is an interesting exploration of the dehumanization, alienation, and mental isolation people fear or experience when going through an intense transformation. Will the people I love still accept me? Will I able to relate to the people I love afterward? All of these questions weigh heavy in the minds and hearts of those who are transcending their old reality.
See below an explanation of insect metamorphosis:
Metamorphosis refers to a major change of form or structure during development.
One of the most dramatic forms of metamorphosis is the change from the immature insect into the adult form. Most of the major insect orders have a typical life cycle which consists of an egg, which hatches into a larva which feeds, moults and grows larger, pupates, then emerges as an adult insect that looks very different from the larva. These insects are often called 'Holometabolous', meaning they undergo a complete (Holo = total) change (metabolous = metamorphosis or change). Those which have immature stages similar in shape to the adult minus the wings are called 'Hemimetabolous', meaning they undergo partial or incomplete (Hemi = part) change.
Metamorphosis is one of the key elements that explains why insects are so successful. Many insects have immature stages with completely different habitats from the adults. This means that insects can often exploit valuable food resources while still being able to disperse into new habitats as winged adults. The potential for adaptation and evolution is greatly enhanced by metamorphosis.
There is an important feature to note regarding metamorphosis. Insects are not able to mate and reproduce until they undergo their final moult or emerge from a pupa as a winged adult. Wings do not appear until the final moult (the one exception to this is the Ephemeroptera, or Mayflies). When you see an insect with wings, it is fully grown.
In closing, I’d like to leave you with some Lauryn Hill lyrics from her Unplugged album. The song speaks of the internal struggle so many of us face as we try to cleanse, rebuild, and transform our reality.
Oh Jerusalem- Lauryn Hill
Realizing that there's no place else to go
And there's nobody I know who can help me
Text book solutions are so improbable
Cause everybody else is just as empty
Naked as the day that I was born, I tried to hide
...behind education and philosophy
Hopeless explanation to describe a situation
I can't see because the world's on top of me
Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death
Freeing me from dust, and the superficial trust
Of an enemy that seeks to take my breath
Failing to connect, cuz I'm morally defect
By reason of the God inside my head
Causing me to see, only what pertains to me
Believing I'm alive when I'm still dead
Limited to earth, unable to find out my worth
Cause I can't see past my own vanity
If I'm not included, then I just have to remove it
From my mind because it has to be insanity
Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death
Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor
In this staged interpretation of this day
Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light
Too intelligent to see it's me in the way
What a paradox, having God trapped in a box
All this time professing to be spiritual
Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem, keeping thee from perfection
Submit to truth, leave the deception of thy youth
So we could walk in the council of authority
Forget the proof, our generation so aloof
Only follow in the steps of the majority
Trust in the Lord, with all thy heart
And lay not to thine, oh an understanding in all thy ways
Acknowledge Him, and He shall correct our paths
We judge and condemn, just as ignorant as them
Who religion tells us that we should ignore
Perpetrating we're in covenant with Him
Exposed by the very things that we adore
We grin and shake hands, then lay ambush for the man
Who has a different point of view then us
Infuriated cause he doesn't understand
Bringing up those things we don't want to discuss
Why we still do evil, we don't know how to do good
Walking on in darkness running from the light
Led to believe, because we live in neighborhoods
Telling us what's going on, it will be alright
Oh so repressed, so convinced that I was blessed
When I played with my game of Monopoly
Oh to suggest, that my life is still a mess
the pride I'm hiding is what's stopping me
Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem keeping me from perfection
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Bringing Sexy Back
Is it my imagination or does Cameron Diaz add more sophistication and credibility to Justin Timberlake? Certainly, Kevin Federline isn’t doing much for Brit’s image. In fact, Kevin and Brit posses a quality that I like to call the “cheese factor”. Obviously, there is a propensity towards this “cheesiness” for Brit, being a Southerner with a Sun in Sagittarius. Sagittarians seem to project an “I’ll say whatever I want to say and you’ll like it” kind of attitude, on top of the general crude behavior that accompanies their regular interactions with folks. Brittany’s relationship has nearly destroyed her reputation, while Justin’s previous boyish ways have been discarded for a cool, collected, more mature projection. Evidently, Cameron has been good for him. The idea of an older woman “molding’ a young boy into a man is a popular notion in our culture. However, very often these relationships are short-lived, once our duties have been accomplished we move on to the next recruit.
In light of this “molding”, Justin may be especially sensitive to the undercurrents moving through his relationships, with an emphasis on his 7th house of partnerships in his natal chart, plus his Moon conjunct Neptune in the 5th house, which is very similar to having a Pisces Moon. All of that merging and meeting yourself through “the other” can leave a person feeling very depleted. Fortunately, for Justin, he is able to remain somewhat detached because of his Aquarian Sun, which may be why he was able to recover himself and rise out of the ashes of the failed relationship between him and Brit. This may be more difficult process for Brit, with a Libra Ascendant and Pluto making himself comfortable in her first house of self. Transformation may be achieved through the experience of “other”, but it will have its price for Brittany.
I suspect Brittany has been “forced” to fit a mold by others that is not true to her nature. Although, she may feel unable to express her dark side, she finds expression through Kevin. He represents all the hidden qualities and speaks the words she wishes she could say. Kevin is often quoted saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!” I imagine he says this in a very rebellious and angry way. I’m sure Brit has had the urge to utter the same sentence many times during her reign as “pop princess”- a title given to her by the public.
Justin, however, had a very different experience with his public. Yes, the media has often stereo-typed him in a similar fashion, but he’s been more free to shape-shift without the scrutiny of others. His transformation has been in the private confines of the mind, with Cameron’s steady Virgo hand guiding him along the way.
This whole discussion brings us full circle to the idea of seeing our own image in our partners. I have found in my experience that people have a tendency to look for what they cannot find or express themselves in other people, for whatever reason. Attraction is fascinating, as the mystery surrounding our attachments is no closer to being solved, and we still continue to pair off complicating the story even further.
I propose these pairings are not accidental because we have profound life-altering lessons to learn from each encounter we stumble upon. What a complex web we weave when visiting one another’s world for a short time on our journey. We don’t know which stranger’s face we’ll run into next, but we will learn to trust our instincts along the way.
The song lyrics below summarize the mood of the moment as the Sun’s in Libra right now; we are reminded how we affect each other, and how we also need to stay keyed into ourselves. The focus is on the balance of experience, experiencing ourselves through others and within. In the words of Amos Lee-- Keep it loose, child, keep it tight.”
Amos Lee- Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight
Well I walked over the bridge
Into the city where I live,
And I saw my old landlord.
Well we both said hello,
There was no where else to go,
'cuz his rent I couldn't afford.
Well relationships change,
Oh I think it's kinda strange,
How money makes a man grow.
Some people they claim,
If you get enough fame,
You live over the rainbow.
Over the rainbow..
But the people on the street,
Out on buses or on feet,
We all got the same blood flow.
Oh, in society,
Every dollar got a deed,
We all need a place so we can go,
And feel over the rainbow.
But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
I'm in love with a girl,
Who's in love with the world,
Though I can't help but follow.
Though I know some day,
She is bound to go away,
And stay over the rainbow.
Gotta learn how to let her go.
Over the rainbow.
Sometimes we forget who we got,
Who they are.
Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.
Keep it loose child,
Keep it tight.
In light of this “molding”, Justin may be especially sensitive to the undercurrents moving through his relationships, with an emphasis on his 7th house of partnerships in his natal chart, plus his Moon conjunct Neptune in the 5th house, which is very similar to having a Pisces Moon. All of that merging and meeting yourself through “the other” can leave a person feeling very depleted. Fortunately, for Justin, he is able to remain somewhat detached because of his Aquarian Sun, which may be why he was able to recover himself and rise out of the ashes of the failed relationship between him and Brit. This may be more difficult process for Brit, with a Libra Ascendant and Pluto making himself comfortable in her first house of self. Transformation may be achieved through the experience of “other”, but it will have its price for Brittany.
I suspect Brittany has been “forced” to fit a mold by others that is not true to her nature. Although, she may feel unable to express her dark side, she finds expression through Kevin. He represents all the hidden qualities and speaks the words she wishes she could say. Kevin is often quoted saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!” I imagine he says this in a very rebellious and angry way. I’m sure Brit has had the urge to utter the same sentence many times during her reign as “pop princess”- a title given to her by the public.
Justin, however, had a very different experience with his public. Yes, the media has often stereo-typed him in a similar fashion, but he’s been more free to shape-shift without the scrutiny of others. His transformation has been in the private confines of the mind, with Cameron’s steady Virgo hand guiding him along the way.
This whole discussion brings us full circle to the idea of seeing our own image in our partners. I have found in my experience that people have a tendency to look for what they cannot find or express themselves in other people, for whatever reason. Attraction is fascinating, as the mystery surrounding our attachments is no closer to being solved, and we still continue to pair off complicating the story even further.
I propose these pairings are not accidental because we have profound life-altering lessons to learn from each encounter we stumble upon. What a complex web we weave when visiting one another’s world for a short time on our journey. We don’t know which stranger’s face we’ll run into next, but we will learn to trust our instincts along the way.
The song lyrics below summarize the mood of the moment as the Sun’s in Libra right now; we are reminded how we affect each other, and how we also need to stay keyed into ourselves. The focus is on the balance of experience, experiencing ourselves through others and within. In the words of Amos Lee-- Keep it loose, child, keep it tight.”
Amos Lee- Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight
Well I walked over the bridge
Into the city where I live,
And I saw my old landlord.
Well we both said hello,
There was no where else to go,
'cuz his rent I couldn't afford.
Well relationships change,
Oh I think it's kinda strange,
How money makes a man grow.
Some people they claim,
If you get enough fame,
You live over the rainbow.
Over the rainbow..
But the people on the street,
Out on buses or on feet,
We all got the same blood flow.
Oh, in society,
Every dollar got a deed,
We all need a place so we can go,
And feel over the rainbow.
But sometimes,
We forget what we got,
Who we are.
Oh who are are not.
I think we gotta chance,
To make it right.
Keep it loose,
Keep it tight.
I'm in love with a girl,
Who's in love with the world,
Though I can't help but follow.
Though I know some day,
She is bound to go away,
And stay over the rainbow.
Gotta learn how to let her go.
Over the rainbow.
Sometimes we forget who we got,
Who they are.
Oh, who they are not.
There is so much more in love,
Than black and white.
Keep it loose child,
Gotta keep it tight.
Keep it loose child,
Keep it tight.
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