An AmBITCHous Slap Back

Commenting on the Comments

A friend emailed Sally about my previous post, "Blowing a Load in the Face of Misogynists" where he questioned my claim that ambitious women are not regard in a negative light. He asked Sally Sun to verify the hypothesis with research or statements of fact.

His comments state:

"I beg to differ, I have never once heard a human deem a womens' ambition, for any purpose, to be a poor trait."and

"What research, if any, is involved in the above statement..?"

First of all, hi John!

*waves*

Let me address your comments. This is huge topic. Here's the skinny.

For hundreds of years, there has been a little thing in place called the patriarchy. The patriarchy is rooted in traditional gender roles and economics- the economics of ass, and you guessed it- religion. The basic view of humanity (with the exception of a scattering of a few rebellious souls) is women are naturally inclined toward motherhood and the qualities "mothers", as an archetype, emulate. Women are "sensitive, nurturing, and doting" while men are "initiators, action-orientated, and less emotional" beings.

Now, this, in and of itself, isn't always negative. However, it IS negative when, as a society, we place more value and respect upon "leadership, initiatory, Type A personalities",- qualities TRADITIONALLY associated with "maleness", when, in the same breath, giving lip service to how "satisfying" a woman's secondary role as dependent caregiver is.

No doubt, in society, men AND women are punished for deviating from this mold. Men who are sensitive and emotional (and plenty are!) are seen as effeminate and subordinated- "girly men", so to speak. Women who are driven, goal-orientated, and non-emotional are "bitches" and ridiculed for not conforming to their gender norm.

See an article on MSN Money.

The tag line from the article reads:

"Today's talented, ambitious women are staying single in droves. Are they too busy, too picky or -- horrors -- too awesome?"

There is, and has been, many articles and books written about how women who are successful will have a more difficult time finding a mate than women for whom their career is secondary (i.e. non-threatening).

See an article called "Smart Women are Scary".

These beliefs and gender roles are deeply entrenched in society. If you want proof, try the bible. Lots of people read it and believe it.

For example: God assigns the particular role to each person:

(1) The Christian wife's role
(a) Glorify God

In the order of creation, man was created first.
a) Gen. 2:7,18,21-22
b) 1 Tim. 2:13
c) The husband was created to rule over the earth, the wife was created to be a "helper" suitable for him.
d) Both were created in God's image
e) Each was created to carry out a different role.
f) Who was created first, Adam or Eve? Regarding the role of the husband and wife, what is the significance of who was created first?

(01) Adam was created first. The order of creation has significance in the role of the husband and wife in that the husband was created to rule over the earth. The wife, later was created to be a"helper" that would be suitable for him.

3. Woman was created for the man, not man for the woman.

. The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife.
a) Eph. 5:23
b) The husband is the one in charge.
c) The husband delegates responsibilities to others, including the wife.

d) The model of Christ and the Church.

(01) The wife is to act out the church being submissive to and glorifying Christ.
(a) Eph. 5:22,24,32

(b) Christians are to submit to Jesus 'authority and use their energies to glorify Him

(i) Therefore, the wife should submit to her husband's authority and use her energies to glorify him.


If all my energy is spent "glorify and submitting" to my husband while acting as primary caregiver to my children, as the Church requires, then, I have succeed in my role as a "woman".

But exactly where is MY ambition addressed?

Oh, that's right! I'm not supposed to have any! And if I do have a strong drive, or just any drive at all, I am the proverbial "bitch on wheels" who will never be happy or find a mate.

Even if I manage to buck tradition and embrace ambition, I have a host of other challenges ahead. Forbes Money, in 2006, posted this piece on the glass ceiling and some of the unique problems women face.

From the article, a direct quote:

"Even before The Wall Street Journal coined the term "glass ceiling" 20 years ago, researchers debated why women seldom reach the highest ranks in business.
Do women choose less stressful jobs so they can enjoy life more? Are they shut out of golf games and other informal networks that help men make crucial professional contacts?

"A new study adds fuel to the fire. About 70% of women and 57% of men believe an invisible barrier--a glass ceiling--prevents women from getting ahead in business, according to a study of 1,200 executives in eight countries, including the U.S., Australia, Austria and the Philippines. Consulting firm Accenture released the study on March 8 in conjunction with International Women's Day. "

Even in the U.S., some experts say the glass ceiling doesn't affect job satisfaction. Women make sacrifices at work in exchange for greater happiness in their lives as a whole, says Warren Farrell, author of Why Men Earn More.
His book offers 25 reasons for the pay gap: Women work fewer hours, for example, and they don't stay at jobs as long as men do. Whether its nature or socialization driving their decisions, women tend to choose lives that allow them to spend more time with their families, Farrell contends.

Even ambitious women don't measure success in high salaries and fancy job titles. Relationships with colleagues and giving back to the community are more important to women than salary, according to 'The Hidden Brain Drain: Off-Ramps and On-Ramps in Women's Careers,' a study by the Center for Work-Life Policy, which was published in the Harvard Business Review last year. "

As you can see, this is a complex issue with layers of bullshit to sift through. But, for women, economic self-sufficiency is Thee Path of Freedom---the freedom to make life choices that are in line with our values and needs.

For instance, lately, a close female friend has been floundering financially. She is a very ambitious talented woman, but she focuses the majority of her energy on the obsessive involvement and care of others. Professionally, this fabulous woman is in a career slump.

However, a month ago, she met a very special man. He has a big house, and promptly asked her to move in, after her landlord raised her rent. Even though she likes this guy, she is not certain it would be good for her, or the relationship, to move so quickly.

Yet, her financial situation is dire and she is seriously considering his offer.

Some women, like my friend, may make poor relationship decisions based on survival. Because she is compulsively nurturing everyone around her, she is not taking care of herself. In the end, she must depend on another for survival. Now, this might work, if the breadwinner is a damn good person (i.e. not controlling, selfish, or abusive) but, if not, the lesson is clear- take care of yourself first (AMBITION!) and you will not be at the mercy of another's hands.

Then, the choices one makes will truly reflect one's values, which, in the end, is a key ingredient to a happy fruitful life- or destiny fulfilled.

Ambitious drive is the heart of success and this woman is fucking hungry!

Go Go Ambitious Whore!

With love, (and brains that I use daily)

~SS

Robert De Niro Sit on My Face

If, and I’m not saying that I am, but if I was in love, it would sound like this.

Notice the ass in the white pants. Try not to bite.


Lady Libra, Polly Jean

In love, (and I know I must be the foremost authority on the matter!)

Sally Swoonshine

The Economics of Ass

Businessman in Water: Chuck Carlton

“Her good looks could've sailed a ship
but her will alone could've sunk it
Funny thing about money for sex
you might get rich, but you'll die by it”
~Close Call: Rilo Kiley

Hello my little goblins, Happy Halloween. It’s been a few days since my last confession, and I’ve been very sinful. Losing one’s soul is exhausting work. And, in true Sally Slut form, my favorite holiday did not disappoint. So, even though the light in my eyes is just a flicker and my skin is still on fire, I come bearing gifts. I’m your supplier, your dope dealer, or, should I say... sex dealer. I’ll sell myself to you for practically nothing and ask for very little in return. I’m an economist’s nightmare. I’ll offer you my ass for free. I’m the girl who won’t say no.

In a capitalist society, the law of supply and demand dictates the cost and availability of scarce resources. Men demand the booty, and women supply it. However, most men have the distinct feeling booty is not bountiful. And, if they do have a chance to fuck, they often retreat because of the emotional entrenchment (i.e. drama). Women expect something for their effort, which is why sex with a woman who doesn’t charge is relatively unheard of. Even though the cute little hottie you met at the bar is probably not a paid slut, one should not assume there won’t be a price to pay. There is no free lunch. If you take hottie home and fuck her like a call girl, she will most likely demand remuneration whether it’s emotional (a new relationship!) or actual money (dinner n’ a movie- reverse courtship style.)

It’s very seldom, then, that one finds a whore, whether she’s paid or not, who will fuck you for free. It screws up the system. If you don’t believe me, analyze the failure of Regan’s “voodoo economics” (supply-side economic theory) in the 1980’s. The idea was the wealthy, who received the benefits of the tax cuts, would eventually share their bounty with the less fortunate. The benefits, thus, would “trickle-down” to average folks and we’d all revel in our richness. The crux of the failure revolved around the concept of the “Free Share.” Were the rich (booty plentiful) really going to share with the poor pathetic (men) folk out of the kindness of their hearts?

Those who have lordship over resources (the booty) have the power. Since history and economic hardship has taught women to bargain with their bodies, power is not surrendered easily. And, if it is surrendered, it almost always has a price. Demand may increase when a woman offers her body at a discount until a certain point is reached. High quality shoppers will have moved on a long time ago, and, even the low-end buyers will scratch their heads in confusion when a seller gives away their goods for free. What’s the point? Where’s the value? Is this a liquidation sale?

Essentiality, this is the power struggle men and women find themselves in. Men want the booty to be more available, while women instinctively understand demand drives price standards. Whores who willingly spread themselves out under random strangers for nothing undermine the system. Radical sluts understand the system is fucked up. They know men & women would enjoy each other a lot more if the market crashed. Yes, some stockbrokers may plummet to their death from great heights when the structure collapses, but, a new freedom will surface in its place.

We are constantly told there is a shortage of resources on this planet. We cling tightly to our treasured possessions. Whether it’s our bodies, partners, or standard of living, it’s difficult to let go of the power associated with acquiring. Yet, it’s the ability to relate to ourselves, partners, and the world at large which ultimately suffers if we do not. Sex doesn’t have to be a means to an end or another bargaining tool laid flat when we reveal our hand.

Sex can be offered freely as a healing gift to others in service.

Fuck the markets. This ain’t no exchange. ~SS

Got Game? Part II

The Hare and the Tiger, Uffe Christoffersen

Read Part I

The Dating Game is notoriously competitive. For those of us who are in it, we know It’s a Jungle Out There. The Pick-Up Artist (PUA) teaches men how to navigate this rocky terrain, but it's not rocket science, folks. Women have been using similar methods in a different form (i.e. feminine wiles) most of their lives. Same tricks, different trade. What Mystery and other pick-up artists have done is turn the game around. Now men are playing while we sit back and watch them, for instance, “peacock” (i.e. dress to impress).

Seduction Theory became increasing popular among men during the 1980’s. I don’t believe this was accidental. If we look at what was happening in the world, especially in the United States, women were finally starting to see the benefits of the activism and energy the Women’s Movement commanded during the 1970’s . As an oppressed group, women finally gained greater sexual freedom and status with court decisions like Roe v. Wade and the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment. The affect of these impressive strides on our society should not be underemphasized.

Because women enjoy more freedom in their new position and have far more options available than before, it was inevitable; our relationships with men had to change too. Men, who were ill-prepared, encountered this new framework of relating and were understandably confused. Hell, to a point, they still are. Should I open a door for her? Should I offer to pay for the meal or share? Should I make the first move or not? Mystery’s method has been successful because he is teaching men what their father’s never did, but should have. (minus his stance on Sluts, which I whole heartedly disagree with)

Mystery and other Pick-Up Artists clearly have found their place in the market place of ideas because there is a demand for it. The boys are hungry, they are willing to devour any information throwin’ their way like a pack of ravenous dogs. Even if the information is incomplete, faulty, or just plain foolish assholery, it helps them relate to women, and of course, score with the babes.

Yet, some men still can't get it right. Last weekend, I was chatting with a new boy when he started to thoroughly bore me. From his, “Can I come over and tuck you in?” to his “One night with me and you’ll see, baby”- I almost threw up in my mouth. Hello, gross. Needless to say, that won’t be happening anytime soon. His stunning wit and impressive verbal skills reminded me of all the cheesy one-liners I’ve been exposed to over the years. See examples below:

Game that’s almost destroyed my faith in humanity:

All you need is a good dick!

Can I watch?

Guy in too-tight sweater leering with Cosmo in hand: “Hey ladies, you from around here?

"This is Tony, my business partner." (referring to the fat old guy to his left) "Can we buy you a drink purtty lady?"

Here’s my card, sweetie, call me. (wink, wink)

Nice Tits! Wanna dance?

And how bout’ the old “Feelin’ On Your Booty” move-
I walk by and he grabs my ass, and I, unfortunately, break his wrist.

And a few other extremely offensive one-liners:

“Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.”

and

“Your Daddy must’ve been a thief. Why? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.”

God save me. I’m sorry to subject you to those, dear reader.

Sally’s Tricks of the Trade

One trick I have been using for many years, although admittedly somewhat unconsciously, is to enter a room/dance floor/bar with more energy than others around me. I am, by nature, a high energy person, so when the music’s pumping and I’m in the mood, I hit the dance floor with vigor. I’ve danced in clubs in Paris, Budapest, Prague, New York, and Las Vegas- to name a few- and it never fails…approach with high energy and a bit of sass, and you’ll have a crowd of on-lookers assembled in no time.

Peacocking, or dressing for attention, is highly effective as well. Some critics may say if you have a decent personality you should be able to Work It wearing a burlap bag. Yet, dressing for attention doesn’t have to involve displaying all your naughty bits n’ pieces, there are subtle ways to showcase your style. Be interesting, be captivating, but most of all, be yourself. This is called developing your “inner game” which, when done in tandem with peacocking, is an appealing combination.

Next, don’t forget to activate The Gaze. Since most of my hook-ups have been initiated through eye contact only, Sally has perfected this skill. The trick to a good "fuck me gaze" is to remain mysterious, but penetrating. Size up your object like he’s your next meal and then pounce on him. Men have to deal with an enormous amount of pressure to approach, start a conversation, and make the first move. Most are relieved to let you take the driver’s seat for once.

And last, but not least, Ball Busting. Ball Busting should be done in a flirty relaxed way. A secure man with a sense of humor will appreciate your forward approach. However, if he's a little intimidated by you, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’ll keep him on his toes. On Wednesday night, when I was out with three of my most deliciously hot girl friends, I spotted Thee Sexiest Guy in the Room. Sexy Guy was lurking around our circle when I grabbed his arm and asked him what he was drinking. It seemed like a rather girly cocktail for such a burly stud, so I called him out. We joked about it for a few minutes and then moved on to other provocative topics. Although I was definitely not Thee Sexiest Girl in the Room, Sexy Guy was eating out of the palm of my hand.

And that, ladies, is how it’s done.

Happy Friday. ~Sally S.

Got Game?

After a weekend of sexifying myself in preparation for a number of erotic encounters, I’m ready for break. Sunday is good day to be boring, lazy, and reflective. So, last Sunday, out of either morbid curiosity or procrastination, I flipped on the TV to watch Mystery’s “Tricks of the Trade” on VH1. For those who are oblivious to pop culture references or find pop culture disgusting, bear with me.

The show centers around eight loveable dorky socially inept dudes who have been enlisted to learn the “methodology” of a Master Pick-Up Artist (PUA). Basically, the boys, who at the beginning of the show have no confidence in themselves are, in theory, transformed and should be able to pull their fair share of pussy (or find a serious relationship- *wink wink*) after Mystery’s instruction. At the end of each show, a contestant is eliminated until only one remains. The winner is handed 50k, the title “Master Pick-Up Artist”, and gets to hang/tour with “Mystery”… guru, magician, Libra, and well-known artiste of seduction.

The Kings of Game Throwin’, Spittin, and Tossin’: Matador, Mystery, and JDogg


The Art of Attracting Women

We’ve all heard of the “ladies man” stereo-type. Pick up artists/seduction specialists have been around for a long time. In the past, this closely guarded social network of men resembled a “secret society” of sorts. Now, the public is finally starting to gain awareness about this underground community and it’s becoming relatively main stream.

Some of the techniques Mystery teaches men are basic Tricks of the Trade one should’ve learned early on such as the old “people want what they can’t have”. Mystery advises his protégées to use “time constraints” during their interactions with women, which conveys High Social Value and is apparently what ALL women seek in a mate. By simply stating, “I’ve got a party to go to in a few minutes, I have to leave”, you’ve demonstrated you are in “high demand” and therefore, have High Social Value.

Other tricks of the trade involve giving a beautiful woman a backhanded compliment to knock her off her pedestal and then “stacking” bizarre stories on top of each other to keep her attention after the fact. If she’s not responsive, then one always has the option to “roll out”.

So, do women really fall for this?

According to Mystery and his Wingmen, they do, in droves. The question I was curious about was WHY. In order to find some answers, I logged on to the message boards at Venusian Arts.com (Mystery’s site) under a male pseudo name and started to investigate.

Upon logging on, immediately potential clients are informed they will learn…

• “The fundamental attraction switches in a woman's brain - and exactly how each one can be activated through verbal and behavioral cues. “
• “A precise model of the body-language and hidden verbal cues that people use to convey interest, social value, dominance, sexual receptivity, and more. “

Mystery has posted several times to the boards, along with his cohorts, JDogg and Matador (his Scorpio wingmen). The board is full of advice about baiting, hooking, releasing, running sets, negs, time constraints, and high value body language in order to.. you guessed it, get laid. (or find a Serious Relationship- winking profusely again here.) You can also find charming topics like, “What to do if your girlfriend’s pussy stinks”paired with advice like, “use a cough drop”, if you’re really interested in some high quality wisdom.

However, what I was looking for was The Theory- Game Theory to be exact. What is their basic theory about women? Because in order to claim a title like “Master Pick-Up Artist”, one must at least have a clue about how women function.

What Women Want

The basic premise is women must engage in “plausible deniability” to avoid being labeled.. *gasp*….a Slut, there by reducing their social value. This means women will naturally play the coy little virgin while the stud chases them. The stud, in order to chase effectively, needs to have, in her eyes, High Social Value too. Women pretend they don’t know they are being viewed as an object while The Man allows them to believe it. Eventually, the woman will let her guard down and The Man fucks.

Lovely arrangement, no?

Below are quotes from one of the boards where Mystery’s Wingman instructs wanna-be Pick-Up Artists on Sluts and plausible deniability.

“Sluts Chase. Women will avoid being labeled 'sluts' at all costs because they are at the bottom of the social totem-pole. Sluts in the traditional sense are women whose need for validation is so great that they have gambled away all their buying power trying to fill it. A woman who is perceived as slutty has a hard time finding quality ass because quality ass is likely to screen her. She is a last resort fuck. Not only that, but other women (and men) on their way up the social ladder will step on her, on the way. They will use her to reinforce their own superiority. The 'slut' is a lightning-rod for the 'cement someone's position as below you' method of gaining status. Sad, but true. Some of this seems ruthless; be aware that women aren't thinking about it, when they do it. For most women, this is all pure instinct.”

and

“Because womens' attraction must be sublimated below the level of conscious awareness in order for the plausible deniability system to have any prayer of ending in a lay, women aren't necessarily aware of their own attraction as a sexual thing. When a woman is attracted to you, she feels it as a fascination - even a compulsion - that doesn't necessarily involve any direct thoughts of sex; this is not to say that it has nothing to do with sex, or that she doesn't want sex, simply that practical necessity requires her to cram that undercurrent of sexuality down below the level of conscious thought. Make it a conspiracy, instead; a conspiracy between you and your girl. Hide her from her inhibitions, and your rewards will be many and hot. Be the man. She's not going to.”

As you can see, the whole concept revolves around the old virgin/whore dichotomy and a woman’s “perceived value" as an object for sale in the marriage market. Women increase their value by marrying/partnering up with a High Social Value Male, and therefore, instinctively will seek a man who demonstrates high value.

Is anybody in the mood to start lacing up the old corset? It’s starting to feel positively Victorian around here!

But, do all women want the same thing?

Quick, strike up the chorus for a resounding, FUCK NO!

First of all, not all Sluts are ashamed. And, not every woman wants to get married. Some women, like this one, are just fine on their own and don’t need Virgin Validation from every pathetic self-loathing Tom, Dick n’ Harry. Also, self-proclaimed little Ms. Slutty Sally Sunshine has never been short in the Fuck Offers Department and certainly has pulled some quality ass in her day. So, last resort? I think not. Further, if you’ve got your own wallet and it has money it, Sluts can buy their own shit. We don’t need yours, or your “high social value”, thanks.

Stayed tuned for an upcoming post about “Sally’s Tricks of the Trade” and the ridiculously Lame Game that’s been throwin’ in my direction over the years.

Peace Out, Ya’ll,

Sally S.

Say It Right

Witness My Favorite Creatrixes Dominating:

Sylvia Plath

Kiss me and you will see how important I am.

Out of the ash I rise with my red hair and eat men like air

Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

Anne Sexton

You are a roast beef I have purchased
and I stuff you with my very own onion.

As for me, I am a watercolor.
I wash off.

Unto the bellies and jaws
of rats I commit my prophecy and fear.
Far below The Cross, I correct its flaws.

Marge Piercy

The will to be totally rational
is the will to be made out of glass and steel:
and to use others as if they were glass and steel.

Tori Amos

God, sometimes you don’t come through. Do you need a woman to get to you?

Everybody knows you can conjure anything by the dark of the moon.

Boys are cute, but food is cuter.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply

Margaret Cho

I went through this whole thing, you know. I was like: Am I gay? Am I straight? And then I realized I'm just slutty. Where's my parade? What about Slut Pride?

Sexual Health, Desire, and the Modern Woman

One HER-story

To experience and engage in feminine desire is a natural human tendency. Repressing and shaming desire is tool used by men (and some hyper-critical judgmental women) to denounce our right to full personhood as human beings. Religious leaders have been playing this game since forever. A co-worker once expressed that the pain women feel during child birth is the punishment women must face for Eve’s original apple-eating sin. Remember this came from the mouth of an educated, otherwise normal woman. Even in a supposedly “modern” society with intellectually evolved people, these archaic beliefs still exist. There are many ways our tightly-held unexamined beliefs are contributing to negativity, on a personal and collective level.

But, beyond this negativity, the question I’d like to ask is, how can we make room for the expression of healthy desire in our lives?

I started educating myself about sex, sexuality, and desire at a fairly young age. My mom had the “Our Bodies, Ourselves” book front and center on the book shelf at home. I used to pour through it, reading and re-reading passages when I was in 5th/6th grade. I taught myself about menstruation, masturbation, and of course, the mechanics of sex. I also shared information with others by talking with friends, neighbors, and my sisters on the topic, in a very matter of fact type of way. In addition, I showed each of my sisters how to insert a tampon, took them to get birth control, and of course had the good ol’ bird and the bee’s discussion with them. Did I find any shame in this? No, it was all very natural, healthy, responsible and NECESSARY.

Admittedly, I’ve had moments in my own sexual past that are less than admirable. I’ve dis-respected myself by letting others use me as a tool for their own enjoyment. Hell, I’ve used others as a tool for my own enjoyment too. But, that is the past, and I’m not anchoring myself to it. I’ve learned a great deal from it as well. Ever the curious girl, I started experimenting with sex/sexuality at a very early age, and I made some bad choices, which is to be expected when one starts as early as I did. Yet, I am an adult now and I’ve changed.

What’s emerging in me now is a very aware, honest, healthy sexuality. I’m finding myself much more eager to explore different dimensions of desire and the feelings that go with it. This has involved reclaiming my body, desire, and sexuality as my own, educating myself about my body, and applying it to my sexual relationships with partners/self.

For example, the other night my partner and I had a very intense make out session. Silk sheets, candle light, music, the whole nine yards. I felt safe, respected, and well, sexy.

But on other nights, we’ve also explored other avenues of desire in a more frenzied, animalistic fashion. I can’t say that my new awareness is attributable to my partner, as I sense something inside of me has shifted, which reaches beyond the scope of the relationship.

Any other thoughts on healthy desire?

Your Favorite Femme-Bot Examines Marriage

Look closely at this picture, dear readers. What is the overall message here? The picture portrays a man in mid-asking. Obviously, this man on bended knee is asking the young woman for her hand in marriage. However, there are other factors to analyze in the landscape within the frame. The imagery in this artwork is amazing.

First of all, the man’s face is frozen in an expectant expression. He seems to be saying with his eyes, “Will you?” He’s crouched forward in anticipation of her answer. His overall appearance is somewhat frumpy evidenced by his rounded belly and large backside, which actually is somewhat feminine if you look closely.

He is also gesturing with his right-hand to the old man sitting in the chair behind the “bride-to-be”. This older man is looking forward, indicating he has made up his mind, and is not concerned with the bride-to-be’s reaction. Does she like her suitor? Is there love between them?

This father figure is oblivious to her negative reaction, and is looking ahead in anticipation of what seems to be his daughter’s impending arranged marriage. The young man seems desperate, sensing his future bride’s disgust, and gestures towards the patriarchal father, as if to say to the girl, “See, even your Dad approves, in fact, in his mind, you’ve already been married off.”

Next, let’s look at the bride-to-be. Her left arm is drawn back toward her breast, as if to say, “I, sir, belong to myself, and never to you, I will not be sold to you like a piece of furniture.” The cross necklace around her neck symbolizes her commitment to Christ, as a divine marriage between herself and Him. She, the Virgin Bride, will have no part in a marriage of mere mortals. Her facial expression reveals the strict judgment she has passed upon the groom-to-be. Clearly, he does not meet her standards.

Interestingly, the couple sitting to the right adds to the imagery. The woman is sitting with what presumably could be her husband, evidenced by the body language between the two. This woman has cast a look of anxiety and worry in the direction of the bride-to-be. Her expression is fearful as she inches closer towards her husband, her safety net.

What would happen if the bride-to-be didn’t accept the invitation and defied her father? How would this woman support herself, how would she live? For the woman sitting with her husband, marriage is a tool for survival. These men represent a woman’s future, economically and socially. Where there is no marriage, there is no security. Thus, women are “sold” to potential suitors with great zeal in the marriage market. Get these girls married off so they are protected and provided for, for god’s sake!

The man sitting next to the woman on the right, presumably her husband, seems somewhat entertained by the situation. However, his left arm is propped up on his hip in defiance as if to say, “Let’s see how far you can get honey without the help of this man.”

And lastly, the man in the back standing next to the fire place has obviously lost his love. The bride-to-be will be forced to marry the boy on his knee, and he will lose her. His expression seems pained as he looks on at her predicament. The father is totally lost to this young woman; yet, the man in the background does take notice. He is only person in this picture who actually seems concerned about the bride’s feelings toward the groom. Although, his hand, placed in his front pocket, seems to indicate he has resigned to the inevitable. There is nothing he can do.

So, why write this tremendously verbose explanation for this picture? Dear Readers, it personifies the horrendous conditions under which women were bartered in a marriage system designed to benefit a patriarchal society. Collectively, these attitudes still remain entrenched in our society.

Many of us have witnessed our own mothers using marriage as a tool for survival. The humiliation women face as a result of being associated with this type of situation cannot be avoided. We can assure others our marriages are about love, but what is the hard reality we’re facing here? Can we make our house payment without our husband’s income? Can we manage our financial future with confidence even without our significant other?

If not, as women, we will experience our relationships as being necessary to our survival, and we are diminished. We are diminished because we have put ourselves at the mercy of another’s hands. This, with the divorce rate at over 50%, is unacceptable. There is also the annoying fact of our impending death. We are mere mortals, and at some point, our “security” maybe ripped out from underneath us through death.

We need to be responsible for our own survival. As women, we cannot, in good faith, hinge all of our hope for the future upon another person’s care of us. And this needs to be addressed on all levels in our lives, financially, emotionally, physically, we must be learn to care for ourselves with the same dedication we were taught, as women, to care for others.

The woman in the picture didn’t have choice. In the old system, women were property (and still remain so in other parts of the world today!) and distributed to their masters accordingly. Now, we do have choice, and choice is an amazing thing, it provides for the freedom we’ve been craving. But still, it’s up to us to use it, let’s not pass up the opportunity to grow stronger, wiser, and more responsible in our world.

I leave you with a tribute to an old favorite… Ani D, no one does it better than her.

Not a Pretty Girl- Ani DiFranco

i am not a pretty girl
that is not what i do
i ain't no damsel in distress
and i don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

i am not an angry girl
but it seems like i've got everyone fooled
every time i say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and i am sorry
i am not a maiden fair
and i am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally i agree with them
trouble is you gotta have yourself an alternate plan
and i have earned my disillusionment
i have been working all of my life
and i am a patriot
i have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if i knew that and i called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

i am not a pretty girl
i don't want to be a pretty girl
i want to be more than a pretty girl

Don't bruise your knees while you're waiting

Don’t Blush When I Rip This Open

Pandora’s Box Revisited

Lately, I admit, I’ve been in a feisty mood. Maybe it’s the habitual objectification, the unwanted advances, the threesome invitations, or the girl-on-girl male-induced perpetration. What’s up with all this slutin’ around? Now, I fully recognize, I come on STRONG. My sexuality and sexual preferences are often flung out on the table for others to witness, I have no shame. And I’m not afraid to confront it. However, society, in its latent sickness, attempts to stifle POWERFUL female sexuality. Men are rendered impotent and don’t quite know what to do with themselves. But hey freak daddy, put that one-eyed snake back in your jeans. Just because I’m a sexual being does not mean I want to have sex with YOU- I mean, there should an equal exchange happening here.

My openness and willingness to discuss these types of topics is not an invitation for random advances. It’s it possible that men are confused by the gender role issue and aren’t sure how to react in the face of feminine power? Sure, I’ll buy that; however, it’s time to get back in the game guys. Women aren’t going to wait around forever for your collective asses to get movin’- along the evolutionary track that is.

One woman who is quite terrifying in her expression of devouring/sexual side of the feminine is the lovely Courtney Love. Now, don’t get me wrong, Courtney Love minus the drugs would be the best possible combination here. However, we have to take what we can get with her (as she often reminds us) and just watch in awe as she kicks the collective vision of what a woman should be in the crotch.


She’s everything in one. Bitch, slut, whore, mother, wife, widow, poetess, child-bearin’, high heel wearin’, guitar-playin’, goddess-in-training, this woman is a FORCE.

You get the feeling with Courtney, that once you cross her path, you’ll never be the same again. As one can imagine, this is hard to swallow for a society that wishes to compartmentalize women and put us in neat little boxes. Women, however, are more than this; we are the embodiment of divine goddess, here to teach others about love. Now, this can be painful or life-enhancing, it depends on how we use it. In what ever way it manifests, as women, we need to realize we are the powerful, strong shapers of our destinies we always suspected we were. We need to believe what our mothers, in some cases, couldn’t teach us and pass it on. We should pass this message on to other women who, for whatever reason, may be feeling weak.

Girls, goddesses, princesses, queens, lovers, mothers, teachers, healers… that’s what I love about women, we are so beautiful and gentle, yet we can easily morph into warriors and find our own strength.

My fiery Sagittarius girl friends, who are enjoying their birthdays right now, show us there are many new paths in life just waiting to be discovered. So, as my sis’ would smartly instruct, “Get that ass up in air and get it movin’!”