Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Puny Hells = Small Minds

“So we shall walk barefoot on walnut shells
of withered worlds, and stamp out puny hells
and heavens till the spirits squeak
surrender: to build our bed as high as jack's
bold beanstalk; lie and love till sharp scythe hacks
away our rationed days and weeks.

Then jet the blue tent topple, stars rain down,
and god or void appall us till we drown
in our own tears: today we start
to pay the piper with each breath, yet love
knows not of death nor calculus above
the simple sum of heart plus heart”

~Love Is a Parallax, Sylvia Plath

Hello World.

What is it like today?

America, a country known for its embittered past with regard to race, has elected its first black president. The news programs summed it up nicely when they stated, “Americans have issued a mandate on race” after the election. We did, and it was beautiful. It is beautiful to see our country, once painfully divided, come together in the spirit of healing. On November 4th, the rest of the world noticed and cheered with us. The dark years of the Bush Presidency are nearly over. (68 days left!)

Some of scars of those dark years still remain. Who can forget the patient neglect at Walter Reed Army hospital, US attorney firings, the outing of a CIA agent, the “axis of evil”, an ill-conceived war based on lies, Osama bin Laden roaming free, Military Commissions Act (torture and the loss of habeas corpus), Hurricane Katrina, Patriot Act, warrantless wiretapping, budget deficits and greatly increased national debt, the nationalization of banks, loss of US prestige, Unilateral Executive Doctrine (presidential dictatorship), and the many attacks on women’s reproductive health?

President-Elect Obama promised swift change and Americans agreed. The election, personally, was a great relief. It’s been a long eight years. When Bush won the election in 2004, I left my parent’s house exhausted and in tears. During this election cycle, I left with tears streaming down my cheeks, exhausted, but vindicated. I walked a little taller the next day, proud of my country and our identity as a place where hopes, dreams, and opportunities are realized. Comments such as, “If could ride my bicycle to America, I would.” were heard around the four corners of the world.

Yet, in the wake of this historic election, Americans in California voted by a 52% margin to revoke a civil right already held by gays and lesbians- the right to marry. The California Supreme Court had ruled earlier that this fundamental right was to be granted to homosexuals. In response, the conservative movement in California introduced Proposition 8, an amendment designed to change the state constitution to define marriage as a bond between a man and woman only. This proposed amendment was designed to overrule the earlier California Supreme Court decision. Supporters of Prop. 8 included politicians of the “far-right” variety, and of course, most of the churches. The Mormon Church went as far as too encourage its members to do anything and everything to make sure Prop. 8 passed in church-sponsored letters/materials.


Although I was giddy as school girl when President-Elect Obama gave his acceptance speech in Grant Park, I was also deeply disappointed and angry about the Prop. 8 vote. Prop. 8 passed and on November 5th, this new amendment was added to California’s state constitution- an amendment that, I must point out, “takes away rights from others”. Readers, since when did it become acceptable to create laws that support inequality? Minority groups/oppressed groups have fought bravely and tirelessly to combat the assault on their rights for decades, and this is where we are now? So, we ask the question again,

“What is it like today?”

Today, we still battle the narrow-minded fools of yesteryear. We battle the conservative agenda which has its roots firmly entrenched in fear. Fear, which has been handily handed down from generation-to-generation in the form of hate disguised as out-worn religious values, is the enemy. The conservative movement has used religion as a shield, a reason to discriminate against and abuse others.

And readers, I’m fucking angry.

The very spiritual philosophy that these folks aspire to (treat others as you wish to be treated, love thy neighbor etc…) has been polluted by a faulty ideological prospective that requires the exact opposite. I would challenge any decent human being who voted Yes on Prop. 8 to stand in front of a gay couple and look them in the eye and tell them they deserve fewer rights than you. Tell them they are less of a human being than you. Tell them they are free to do whatever they want in the confines of their home, but to hide the rest. Show them your engagement ring, talk about your wedding plans, and the next day, go cast your vote. Check the box next to Prop. 8. Gay people aren’t worthy of the same rights as you are.

Prop. 8 received a lot of its support from churches. Unfortunately, the House of God is where these horrendous assaults against the rights of others (women’s rights/reproductive health/gay rights) are waged. This is unacceptable. This is more than unacceptable; it is hypocrisy and dark fucking shit at its finest. Spiritually, I am disgusted and disappointed with conservatives who bask in their self-righteous “light of God’s love” while demeaning and condemning others.

There are deeper issues at hand here. In places where intolerance is bred and these negative attitudes persist, it is often rationalized that I am too hard on these god-fearing conservative Christians. If they were raised with this bigotry, I am further encouraged to grant reprieve. It’s like, “Brian’s parents were such assholes. They instilled these hateful prejudices in him. Can’t you just let it go? He doesn’t know any better.”


I cannot.

Brian get your shit together. You are an adult. Wake up. Are you a decent human being or not? Are you going to live under the umbrella of your parent’s/grandparents ideas forever? This intellectual and spiritual laziness coupled with an extreme lack of self-awareness create new generations who will carry the torch of fear and hate.


Recently, the Republican Party has been moaning n’ groaning about how they have no clear leader or agenda. The GOP is in serious trouble. The party, at this point, must do a significant amount of soul-searching. They have allowed the Democrats to become the party of “unity, change, and hope”, while certain small minds within the Republican Party have dominated the political arena with their puny ideas. (Ann Coulters, O’Reilys of the world, beware!) These ideas cater to and energize the politics of division, hatred, and fear all wrapped up in a neat little bow called the conservative far-right agenda.

Hopefully, in the next few years, these regressive GOP tendencies will become a thing of the past and what will emerge will be a newly transformed Republican Party- The Republican Party that Abe Lincoln belonged to- the Party that freed the slaves.

Indeed, there is a lot work to be done. But, I am confident. It is to our benefit, as citizens, to have a two-party system. With the Republican Party in such bad shape, it will be interesting to see how the Democrats use their new found status. As Rahm Emanuel said many years ago to Tony Blair, “Don’t fuck this up.”

Yours in lefty yummy equality for all,


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Listen Up!

Earth to Moon in Aquarius:

A Full Moon Reflection: Think about the one who's stripped you of freedom and rip off their balls.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Friday, May 02, 2008

An AmBITCHous Slap Back

Commenting on the Comments

A friend emailed Sally about my previous post, "Blowing a Load in the Face of Misogynists" where he questioned my claim that ambitious women are not regard in a negative light. He asked Sally Sun to verify the hypothesis with research or statements of fact.

His comments state:

"I beg to differ, I have never once heard a human deem a womens' ambition, for any purpose, to be a poor trait."and

"What research, if any, is involved in the above statement..?"

First of all, hi John!


Let me address your comments. This is huge topic. Here's the skinny.

For hundreds of years, there has been a little thing in place called the patriarchy. The patriarchy is rooted in traditional gender roles and economics- the economics of ass, and you guessed it- religion. The basic view of humanity (with the exception of a scattering of a few rebellious souls) is women are naturally inclined toward motherhood and the qualities "mothers", as an archetype, emulate. Women are "sensitive, nurturing, and doting" while men are "initiators, action-orientated, and less emotional" beings.

Now, this, in and of itself, isn't always negative. However, it IS negative when, as a society, we place more value and respect upon "leadership, initiatory, Type A personalities",- qualities TRADITIONALLY associated with "maleness", when, in the same breath, giving lip service to how "satisfying" a woman's secondary role as dependent caregiver is.

No doubt, in society, men AND women are punished for deviating from this mold. Men who are sensitive and emotional (and plenty are!) are seen as effeminate and subordinated- "girly men", so to speak. Women who are driven, goal-orientated, and non-emotional are "bitches" and ridiculed for not conforming to their gender norm.

See an article on MSN Money.

The tag line from the article reads:

"Today's talented, ambitious women are staying single in droves. Are they too busy, too picky or -- horrors -- too awesome?"

There is, and has been, many articles and books written about how women who are successful will have a more difficult time finding a mate than women for whom their career is secondary (i.e. non-threatening).

See an article called "Smart Women are Scary".

These beliefs and gender roles are deeply entrenched in society. If you want proof, try the bible. Lots of people read it and believe it.

For example: God assigns the particular role to each person:

(1) The Christian wife's role
(a) Glorify God

In the order of creation, man was created first.
a) Gen. 2:7,18,21-22
b) 1 Tim. 2:13
c) The husband was created to rule over the earth, the wife was created to be a "helper" suitable for him.
d) Both were created in God's image
e) Each was created to carry out a different role.
f) Who was created first, Adam or Eve? Regarding the role of the husband and wife, what is the significance of who was created first?

(01) Adam was created first. The order of creation has significance in the role of the husband and wife in that the husband was created to rule over the earth. The wife, later was created to be a"helper" that would be suitable for him.

3. Woman was created for the man, not man for the woman.

. The husband was and still is to be the head of his wife.
a) Eph. 5:23
b) The husband is the one in charge.
c) The husband delegates responsibilities to others, including the wife.

d) The model of Christ and the Church.

(01) The wife is to act out the church being submissive to and glorifying Christ.
(a) Eph. 5:22,24,32

(b) Christians are to submit to Jesus 'authority and use their energies to glorify Him

(i) Therefore, the wife should submit to her husband's authority and use her energies to glorify him.

If all my energy is spent "glorify and submitting" to my husband while acting as primary caregiver to my children, as the Church requires, then, I have succeed in my role as a "woman".

But exactly where is MY ambition addressed?

Oh, that's right! I'm not supposed to have any! And if I do have a strong drive, or just any drive at all, I am the proverbial "bitch on wheels" who will never be happy or find a mate.

Even if I manage to buck tradition and embrace ambition, I have a host of other challenges ahead. Forbes Money, in 2006, posted this piece on the glass ceiling and some of the unique problems women face.

From the article, a direct quote:

"Even before The Wall Street Journal coined the term "glass ceiling" 20 years ago, researchers debated why women seldom reach the highest ranks in business.
Do women choose less stressful jobs so they can enjoy life more? Are they shut out of golf games and other informal networks that help men make crucial professional contacts?

"A new study adds fuel to the fire. About 70% of women and 57% of men believe an invisible barrier--a glass ceiling--prevents women from getting ahead in business, according to a study of 1,200 executives in eight countries, including the U.S., Australia, Austria and the Philippines. Consulting firm Accenture released the study on March 8 in conjunction with International Women's Day. "

Even in the U.S., some experts say the glass ceiling doesn't affect job satisfaction. Women make sacrifices at work in exchange for greater happiness in their lives as a whole, says Warren Farrell, author of Why Men Earn More.
His book offers 25 reasons for the pay gap: Women work fewer hours, for example, and they don't stay at jobs as long as men do. Whether its nature or socialization driving their decisions, women tend to choose lives that allow them to spend more time with their families, Farrell contends.

Even ambitious women don't measure success in high salaries and fancy job titles. Relationships with colleagues and giving back to the community are more important to women than salary, according to 'The Hidden Brain Drain: Off-Ramps and On-Ramps in Women's Careers,' a study by the Center for Work-Life Policy, which was published in the Harvard Business Review last year. "

As you can see, this is a complex issue with layers of bullshit to sift through. But, for women, economic self-sufficiency is Thee Path of Freedom---the freedom to make life choices that are in line with our values and needs.

For instance, lately, a close female friend has been floundering financially. She is a very ambitious talented woman, but she focuses the majority of her energy on the obsessive involvement and care of others. Professionally, this fabulous woman is in a career slump.

However, a month ago, she met a very special man. He has a big house, and promptly asked her to move in, after her landlord raised her rent. Even though she likes this guy, she is not certain it would be good for her, or the relationship, to move so quickly.

Yet, her financial situation is dire and she is seriously considering his offer.

Some women, like my friend, may make poor relationship decisions based on survival. Because she is compulsively nurturing everyone around her, she is not taking care of herself. In the end, she must depend on another for survival. Now, this might work, if the breadwinner is a damn good person (i.e. not controlling, selfish, or abusive) but, if not, the lesson is clear- take care of yourself first (AMBITION!) and you will not be at the mercy of another's hands.

Then, the choices one makes will truly reflect one's values, which, in the end, is a key ingredient to a happy fruitful life- or destiny fulfilled.

Ambitious drive is the heart of success and this woman is fucking hungry!

Go Go Ambitious Whore!

With love, (and brains that I use daily)


Monday, April 28, 2008

Blowing a load on the face of misogynists.

A friend sent this email to Sally S. today: Read Below:

I just heard this song again and it reminded me how important it is to do what you are passionate about and be surrounded by people who love and support you. My family and friends are my foundation and I am grateful everyday for them.

A big house and fancy cars mean nothing if you don't have people around you to share it with. Whether it is with your family, your friends or your significant other, make that your foundation and you will excel in everything you do.

Material things bring
temporary and short-term and friends are priceless. That is the definition of success...not the passionless love for material things.

Be grateful everyday, have integrity, love and support those around you and it will all come back ten folds.

Measure Your Success:

* Rich in friends—A person who cultivates friendships and who is a joy to be around can have hundreds of good friends and can be rich beyond the wildest dreams of others.

* Rich in health—A person who spends time eating and drinking right, exercising and relaxing from stress can be extremely healthy, and this health can be far more valuable than any amount of money.

* Rich in strength—A person who works out with weights every day, runs, swims, etc. can be rich in strength and will have an attractive body.

* Rich in family—A person who devotes time to his or her spouse and children will have a strong and happy family that is rewarding throughout life.

* Rich in knowledge—A person who reads and studies will become rich in knowledge.

* Rich in skill—A person who practices anything daily (a skill, a sport, prayer, whatever) will become excellent in that skill area. Excellence has its own rewards.

* Rich in character— A person who works hard at being honest and truthful in all situations will become rich in character and will be trusted by everyone.

See my response below:

It is possible to do what you are passionate about AND have money- and lots of it, actually. I realize there is an obsession in our society with the material. Possessions are pursued at the expense of other important things- there is no balance, for some.

On the other hand, I vehemently disagree with an overly humble attitude toward money, possessions, and material success. Ambition, especially in women, is shunned.

Shouldn't we just be satisfied with good friends, a gym membership, and family?

Maybe. If it pleases you.

Yet, there are some of us, women included, who are tenaciously pursuing our material goals- because we want to make a difference in the world, professionally, and be able to support ourselves, AND make boat loads of money if our ambitious little hearts desire. We are not any less "evolved" or "spiritual" than one for who those values don't apply.

There is a rather sexist imprint in this philosophy. For example, I may feel, as a woman, the need to justify my ambition with statements like, "I just really want to help people, and that's why success is important to me." Very few men are called upon to justify their ambition in this manner.

It is considered poor form for a woman to be restlessly driven- just for ambition's sake. Even in today's society, it's relatively rare to hear a woman openly admit to being a capitalist of the highest order, that is, placing ambition/success (of which material items are a natural extension of success) at the top of their list.

Parting Observation:

Oddly, it was not a stay-at-home mom who posted the article above; in fact, it was a young female entrepreneur at the prime of her earning potential- (30-35 years old).

How intriguing.


Thursday, April 24, 2008

O' Cum All Ye' Faithful

Has your birth control method ever failed? Or, maybe you had unprotected sex with your lover. If so, what did you do to stop his seed from finding a permanent home in the soft lining of your uterus?

Did you fall to your knees and pray for a miracle? Please God, Please. No children. No baby. I'll be a good girl, I promise!

Or, what if, in a moment of proactive self-protection, you participated in the holiest of all sacraments, the Eucharist.

I traveled the winding road to Mecca (i.e. Planned Parenthood) on Monday to renew my faith. And, when I walked through those Golden Doors of Heaven I heard the angels singing God's praises. After I made my contribution to the offering plate ($44), I felt the Holy Spirit descend upon me. Before receiving Holy Communion, I passionately sermonized (sperminized):

"Take this, all of you, and eat it:
this is my body which will be given up for you.
When supper was ended, he took the cup.
Again he gave you thanks and praise,
gave the cup to his disciples, and said:
Take this, all of you, and drink from it:
this is the cup of my blood,
the blood of the new and everlasting covenant.
It will be shed for you and for all
so that sins may be forgiven.
Do this in memory of me."

Thank you Lord. You truly are a kind and benevolent God.

Peace be with you.


Wednesday, April 02, 2008

In Between Mary's Legs

virgin mary

On my father’s headstone it reads, “Loving Father and Son of God.” Jokingly, then, my mother asked my sisters and I if she, by association, was Mary Magdalene. Everyone laughed while I continued to draw my own conclusions about her admission. Mary Magdalene was, lest we forget, according to Christian tradition, a whore. Yet, even though Mary was whore, Christ embraced her with open arms.

I should’ve known I was headed down The Path of Whore. As a young never-been kissed sixth grader, I dressed up as a prostitute for Halloween. Equipped with my skull n’ bones earrings, stocking, black boots, and mini, I was ready to hit the streets- in sub-zero temperatures. Determined, I walked through the neighborhood without a coat and my bag of tricks. When I finally returned, I ate every last piece of candy in a sugar-induced frenzy. Whore training was about to commence.

Over the next year, I got my period, brought on an orgasm with a shampoo bottle, and read through my mom’s entire copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves” at least ten times. I started talking to my peers about sexuality. I found more books and kissed a boy. I pulled a Playboy magazine out of a pile of trash with my best friend, Stephen, and disappeared into the woods with him to look. I can still recall the woman’s face and how she sat with her legs spread. I thought she was beautiful and imagined myself touching her.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m pulling down my skirt at my Catholic high school. Strange men fuck me, and I revel in their sweet release. I declare war on religion and fuck myself into a rebellion. I write the words, “I am in touch with my Mary Magdalene energy” in red lipstick across the mirror and rub one off in the bathroom with a picture of Christ hanging above me on the wall.

Would Christ, if living today, hold contemporary whores in the same esteem as he did then? Would Mary sit at his right-side at the Last Supper as an equal? And, if she did, how would the Church react?

Sadly, modern day Christianity views Christ’s affection for her as a by- product of his compassionate nature while denying the possibility of any actual real attraction or mutual respect between the two. Now, this in and of itself, is not a fantastic revelation. Artists like Tori Amos, for example, have been exploring the Christ/Whore creative territory for quite some time. Through her music, she explicitly links sexuality, religion, and revolution in one breath.

Thank you Tori.

As any tried & true whore knows, religious rebellion is a natural extension of fucking. Religion has given humanity specific instructions about how we are to conduct ourselves sexually. Masturbation is a sin, procreation is the goal, within, of course, the bounds of a little sacrament we call marriage. Anything outside of that very limited scope is deviant behavior and is shunned menacingly. From Sunday School Day 1 to Church Sermon 5,061, our heads become the dumping ground for every last shame-fueled thought.

Children are indoctrinated into this faulty belief system. Then, they are expected to move out into the world, interact, and form relationships with others based on the poison they’ve swallowed.

Many people are satiated with knowledge they’ve inherited. They have no other model and no desire to discover. They accept their fate easily.

Are we even aware of the cycle we’re stuck in? How do we “undo” all of the damage we’ve sustained? And what about this new model?

I have often said how we approach our sexuality is a metaphor for how we view life. If the source of life (sex) is dirty, humanity, as a whole, is in trouble. We’ve dimmed the light of The Source (God/Sex) down to practically nothing. This is dark space, indeed.

Just gimme the light,



Friday, March 28, 2008

Charity is a Slut

Do you think whoring comes naturally, or is it a learned behavior one cultivates over years of arduous practice? For instance, if a friend experiments with her own Threshold of Sluttiness, and has a random tryst without any expectations for future contact or relationship, would she be able to disconnect without any emotional attachment? Or, would her experiment be foiled by feelings of shame, regret, and guilt?

Many of women within my circle have marveled at Sally's ability to, as they would say, "Fuck like a man." (On a side note: what is fucking like a man? Plenty of men need an emotional attachment to fuck.) For the most part, friends are amused but remain skeptical. They are not convinced they could offer up their sexuality, or vagina, in such a laissez-faire manner. Most are protective of their sweet nectar, and, at the very least, require a verbal connection or promise of a future commitment to really seal the deal. Thus, when other women evaluate Ms. Sunshine's penchant for screwing strangers, their basic judgment involves either admiration from a distance or repulsion from a distance.

Since, we have a tendency to surround ourselves with people who support our life philosophies rather than challenge them; there aren’t many who will express outright disgust, if they love you. As a result, I’ve found admiration from a distance is far more prevalent than other reactions amongst friends.

In fact, in some cases, curious female friends have experimented with their sexuality by sloughing off tradition and fucking a stranger or two. In one situation, immediately after fucking Mr. Nameless, my friend called to report the details. Her voice was higher than normal and she sounded positively thrilled. Originally, I encouraged her, delighted by her big leap in the direction of freedom.

Unfortunately, later on when she ran into Mr. Nameless in public, her bubble burst. He avoided her until the energy grew increasingly awkward. And she, while appearing to maintain a brave front, was dismayed by his lack of interest and the festering uncomfortable silence between them.

Instantly, I recognized her remorse and felt responsible. Did I mislead my young friend? What if I touted my slut pride and deeply felt whore convictions with far too much zeal and inadvertently made whoring seem effortless and common place?

After a few shots of Captain Morgan and careful contemplation, I resigned to the fact that my friend was not on the fast track in my Master Whore Course. She was merely a dear sweet companion along for the ride on our journey toward our respective futures. Finally, I decided to gently speak to her about whoring with a wider perspective in mind. Alone in her car, I explained that although I loved being a whore and all it entails, it can be dangerous emotionally, physically, and psychically.

For instance, there is a possibility one might become ensnared in weird emotional space during the seduction process. Others may find themselves at the mercy of the whore, in love with what she represents, but unable to seize her power or claim ownership over it. Usually, the seduced becomes infatuated with the idea of "saving" the whore, in a deliberate effort to retool her psyche. The seduced may use a multitude of methods to manipulate the whore for their benefit in ways that pale in comparison to just a plain old fuck. As a whore, one’s "leg spread open" energy, is often interpreted as "open" in all other categories, inviting a whole slew of riffraff with their own agendas. Basically, whores must have top-notch boundaries, like a shield made of steel.

Whoring is also physically dangerous. What about diseases? What about abuse? Those are all valid concerns. Even if safe sex is practiced with vigor, one still leaves themselves open to a variety of "what ifs". The AIDS crisis in the 1980’s cemented this new paranoia in our minds. Notice, I do not advocate sleeping with each and every person one’s genitals happen to graze. If one is squeamish, there are other ways to be with one another erotically, for example, masturbation. Masturbating with others is a great way to avoid the messy implications of fucking in a post-AIDS society while getting your rocks off at the same time.

Lastly, psychically whores must raise the shield, not only collectively, but interpersonally. Because sluts are embracing a traditionally negative label, they must be ready to withstand and flourish under the hateful stare of conservatives, religion, and in general, society.

My ability to detach and give myself in deep surrender to the collective was not harvested over night. The lessons I learned fucking random strangers as a young Lolita have come to fruition, and now I navigate the rocky slut terrain with expertise. But it was not always this way. Sally Sunshine has had her moments of weakness on her knees alone on the floor with a bottle of bourbon and a mascara-smudged face. Yet, still I come back to the thrill. The thrill of another’s hands running down my body, hot with the freshness of exploring another crevice. I still yearn for the seduction, the powerful art of attraction and the wet drip between my legs.

Yours in genuine pursuit of pleasure,

kiss kiss,


Monday, March 24, 2008

Doing it for dollars and a fancy man

I once knew a man who was obsessed with his own reflection and all the things I would do to further his ambition. And even though he promised not to zap my life force, I was nourishment for his nocturnal feedings.

And so, we made the deal.

The cock squad promptly revoked my self-will card. And I bowed. And so did every other woman who was captured in his mirror.

I spent hours there, but I don’t think he ever saw.

Now, listen to the money talk.


Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Reality of Five Years

It was five years ago today the Bush Administration began its Shock & Awe Campaign in Iraq. That night in March of 2003, I watched from my living room as an eerie blue light descended upon central Baghdad while the sky erupted in flames. Inside, my stomach turned as I fell on my knees in front of the TV and cried.

The scene resembled a video game, so surreal, and disconnected from the average American’s life. Yet, it was not a dark scene from Grand Theft Auto or Second Life. We weren’t imagining it. Even though, the bull’s eye target on the TV screen flashing, “War on Terror” would have some of us believe otherwise.

The next morning, in Baghdad, when the hot sun burned over the piles of rubble and the cement-dusted bloodied faces, we recoiled in horror.

In the months that followed, more Americans woke up to the massive media and government-sponsored campaign to brainwash its citizenry, but, by then, the damage was done.

Five years later, the suffering and destruction continues.

Light a candle.

Pray for Peace.

Or get pissed and start a fucking riot.


Monday, March 17, 2008

Ocean City

Here’s the whole bloody story with its guts emptied out.

Venus goes diving.


The girl on the hill with the grass growing around her eyes.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Robert De Niro Sit on My Face

If, and I’m not saying that I am, but if I was in love, it would sound like this.

Notice the ass in the white pants. Try not to bite.

Lady Libra, Polly Jean

In love, (and I know I must be the foremost authority on the matter!)

Sally Swoonshine

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Survival Tips for the Hungry Love Struck

This is the House of Sally Sun. The house music pounds hard. The needle jumps off the record and skips a beat. Confusion follows a moment of silence, and then, a startling thud when the loud speakers are whipped into the wall.


Hang your hat next to the half-assed flute playing riddlers.

Tape their fucking mouths shut.

Place your shoes on top of Billy’s pathetic fifth grade crayola homework.

Smear dirt across the page.

Sit down.


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Philosophical Whoring: An Ethical Approach

Have you ever used esoteric knowledge or a thinly veiled “spiritually” to get laid? Or maybe you used it to pique another’s interest, which would, in turn, lead to an inevitable fuck? If you’ve enticed others with an intuitive prowess that matches, or even exceeds Miss Cleo’s talents, then, have you misused your gifts?

There are many astrologers (both professional and amateur) who I know, first hand, employ the use of many different magical tactics to secure ass. Predictably, their loyal subjects (i.e. na├»ve unsuspecting virgins) open their ears to receive “inspired” knowledge eagerly. During the process, the befuddled maiden begins to hold her Prince in high esteem. After all, doesn’t he hold all the secrets and universal truths not yet discovered?

The Magician , naturally, is invested in maintaining his “holier & more sacred than thou” image. Because, lest we forget, the Prince & his Snake are not completely altruistic in their motivations, they require, at a minimum, at least a blow job. And, fair maidens, if you’re really blessed you could (golly, gash, darn, gee!) occupy a full-time position in his Court of Pretentious Pseudo-Spiritual Crap. As a newly appointed member, you will be forced to give his blundering ego twenty vigorous strokes per day while mastering your best “doe-eyed” child in awe stare.

Practice hard dear ones, his solemn philosophical dictates come at a high price- in essence- your obedience. That is, if he deems you worthy enough to exist within his world in the first place.

Yet, since Sally studies astrology, psychology and other ancient arts AND is a sex-starved slut, I understand why one would use any resources or talents available during the acquisition of booty. We're taught, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” encouraging an "all is fair in love and war" mentality. For example, Sally has a great set of tits. If I bring out the big guns during a beautifully orchestrated seduction, and my intended victim falls prey to my charms, am I to blame? Have incurred undue karma and acted unethically?

First of all, the two aren’t entirely comparable. I would argue in any type of a spiritual profession, be it a conventional minister/pastor or, unconventionally, an astrologer, intention is key. Also, keeping a careful karmic eye on spiritual abuse and the many forms it takes is also advised here. A teacher, in any respect, has certain responsibilities to honor. A true teacher should actively work to learn something from their student while acknowledging their progress. At some point, a highly-skilled student will surpass the teacher, and may, in fact, be privy to knowledge and experience outside of the teacher’s sphere of influence, even prior to encountering the teacher. All of these factors need to be acknowledged by the teacher for a relationship to flourish.

Basically, kids, spiritual snobbery is fucking ugly.

You may be wondering why I feel compelled to write about this topic. In the past, I have been rather outspoken against those who manipulate others from their Ivory Tower. Yet, I’ve taken my own detour down the halls of hypocrisy.


I once royally fucked up by initiating a passionate relationship with an actual student, and, then there’s last night.


I met the good Captain a few weekends ago at the local tavern. Evidently, I intrigued the poor fellow by sucking whipped cream off the top of a jello shot suggestively. He responded by striking up a conversation with yours truly. Little did he know, he had effectively wandered into the lion’s den- without armor. Halfway through our exchange, he mentioned he born in June. Without realizing, he gave it all away. Next time we spoke, I shocked him with my intuitive genius and called him a Gemini. Perplexed, Captain Twin curiously prodded to find out how I knew. And I, Sorceress Sally, refused to explain myself.

Sensing the Captain’s interest in philosophical matters, I tackled the subject with him full boar, revealing just enough, but not too much. Finally, Captain Good Fuck acquiesced to my advances and found himself balls deep in Esoteric Wisdom, or, Sally Sunshine. As fate would have it, last night, a three hour long power outage shut down the entire block while candles burned. My bed, incidentally, was also on fire. For the first time in months, I felt the rush. It has been eons since someone asked me to sit on their face, thus, I was happy to oblige, amongst other things.

In the end, though, I had to ask myself about the mask I wore. Was I befuddling the fair Captain to get ass? Or, was I merely playing the cards I was dealt?

We shall see.

Yours in esoteric ass-slapping hegemony,


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Legend of Sleepy Whore Hollow

woman sleeping so pretty

It no secret, Sally Sunshine has been severely impoverished in the casual sex department lately. Friends are, understandably, confused. Miffed in the extreme, Sally’s girls are wondering, is Sally the same slut we knew months ago? Did our wayward diva completely fall of the Fucking Map? Or has she been slowly withering away in the midst of a Sahara desert dry spell?

Well, rest assured, dear ones, I've not. However, I have found, being "out of the closet" (i.e. identified) as a woman with a loose moral compass has not helped score any new ass. Old ass, conversely, has been very adamant in expressing their desire for second helpings. Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, prior fuck buddies, and one-night oopsies have besieged Sally with requests for more, which is, naturally, flattering. At the same time, it's very difficult to conquer new territory while the same smelly old diaper of the past is wafting in the wind.

Still, there has been a few mounting prospects. Captain T of the United States Air Force and Mr. M&M, who is twenty some years older than yours truly, are currently in hot pursuit. Yet, I find myself oddly engrossed in the past. Killer K calls and I immediately drop the new one for the old one. The old one fits like a comfortable leather shoe, supportive and predictable. I know if KK drops by, the next morning bruises will form because my poor perineum will be slammed with incredible force. Sure, I'll have trouble walking the next day and possibly a little rectal bleeding, but hell, at least I know where we stand and there is no need to play the "pretend I'm a virgin game".

The problem is, over the last year or so, I've developed zero tolerance for the traditional mating tap dance. Instead, I am prone to hitting others hard & fast with my truth. For example, last weekend, a friend introduced me as, "Sally Sunshine, sex writer", while fascinated blubbering fool collected his thoughts. After composing himself, we continued on to "talk shop" as I launched into a rousing theatrical performance called "Cocks of the Zodiac." Thrilling as it was, Mr. B.F. was not impressed.

Or, in the words of a sweet-pie Libra boy I know, after I spit a mouthful of ice at an unruly buffoon, "You're kind of tough, aren't you?"


Perhaps I have become, over the years, a hardened she-monster ravaging slut bitch seven-headed Medusa. I have been told the way I pin the hair on the top of my head resembles horns and my eyes spew forth a destructive wish. Put succinctly, rage coats my aura and produces the unmistakable scent of "not one to fuck with."

Just call me Hillary Clinton.

Or not.

I can't stand her attitude. Although she carries herself with an air of absolute authority, if you look down far enough in her moldy Scorpio hole, she sees herself as a victim who's entitled. And, because of her suffering, she is entitled to the throne and the steam roller she uses to flatten opposition. This warrior stance, although a necessary evil in battle, is not entirely conducive to maintaining relationships in the civilized world.

Even so, admittedly, I am a big fan of breaking out the beast. Let's get primitive and plunge a sharpened claw into some virgin skin, now. It is at this point, I strongly identify with the plight of the caveman, or, just your average beastly upright man. Unsurprisingly, women and young female children/adolescents are strictly socialized and monitored to weed out any traces of a base animal behavior. We are taught to feel shame about our basic bodily functions, and, during puberty, our sexual proclivities. Young women are forced to enter the world of social niceties, manicures, and Pampered Chef Parties. Young men, on the other hand, at least get to wrestle around in mud for a few more years before they become "respectable" citizens.

Thus, when Sally Sunshine, mud-dwelling monster, is confronted with fake perfumed hypocritical shit- in female OR male form, it's nearly impossible to wipe the sneer from my contorted Medusa face. The fact is, although it's becoming increasingly difficult to find men who are open to truth and a deep willingness to explore, I haven't given up faith. I know there are some brave souls out there who get it. And, I know there are some standing at the cliff who are ready to jump off and get it.

In the meantime, please hurry. My bed is oh-so very lonely.

Yours in total whoriffic commitment,

Sally Sun