Wednesday, April 02, 2008

In Between Mary's Legs

virgin mary

On my father’s headstone it reads, “Loving Father and Son of God.” Jokingly, then, my mother asked my sisters and I if she, by association, was Mary Magdalene. Everyone laughed while I continued to draw my own conclusions about her admission. Mary Magdalene was, lest we forget, according to Christian tradition, a whore. Yet, even though Mary was whore, Christ embraced her with open arms.

I should’ve known I was headed down The Path of Whore. As a young never-been kissed sixth grader, I dressed up as a prostitute for Halloween. Equipped with my skull n’ bones earrings, stocking, black boots, and mini, I was ready to hit the streets- in sub-zero temperatures. Determined, I walked through the neighborhood without a coat and my bag of tricks. When I finally returned, I ate every last piece of candy in a sugar-induced frenzy. Whore training was about to commence.

Over the next year, I got my period, brought on an orgasm with a shampoo bottle, and read through my mom’s entire copy of “Our Bodies, Ourselves” at least ten times. I started talking to my peers about sexuality. I found more books and kissed a boy. I pulled a Playboy magazine out of a pile of trash with my best friend, Stephen, and disappeared into the woods with him to look. I can still recall the woman’s face and how she sat with her legs spread. I thought she was beautiful and imagined myself touching her.

Fast forward a few years, and I’m pulling down my skirt at my Catholic high school. Strange men fuck me, and I revel in their sweet release. I declare war on religion and fuck myself into a rebellion. I write the words, “I am in touch with my Mary Magdalene energy” in red lipstick across the mirror and rub one off in the bathroom with a picture of Christ hanging above me on the wall.

Would Christ, if living today, hold contemporary whores in the same esteem as he did then? Would Mary sit at his right-side at the Last Supper as an equal? And, if she did, how would the Church react?

Sadly, modern day Christianity views Christ’s affection for her as a by- product of his compassionate nature while denying the possibility of any actual real attraction or mutual respect between the two. Now, this in and of itself, is not a fantastic revelation. Artists like Tori Amos, for example, have been exploring the Christ/Whore creative territory for quite some time. Through her music, she explicitly links sexuality, religion, and revolution in one breath.

Thank you Tori.

As any tried & true whore knows, religious rebellion is a natural extension of fucking. Religion has given humanity specific instructions about how we are to conduct ourselves sexually. Masturbation is a sin, procreation is the goal, within, of course, the bounds of a little sacrament we call marriage. Anything outside of that very limited scope is deviant behavior and is shunned menacingly. From Sunday School Day 1 to Church Sermon 5,061, our heads become the dumping ground for every last shame-fueled thought.

Children are indoctrinated into this faulty belief system. Then, they are expected to move out into the world, interact, and form relationships with others based on the poison they’ve swallowed.

Many people are satiated with knowledge they’ve inherited. They have no other model and no desire to discover. They accept their fate easily.

Are we even aware of the cycle we’re stuck in? How do we “undo” all of the damage we’ve sustained? And what about this new model?

I have often said how we approach our sexuality is a metaphor for how we view life. If the source of life (sex) is dirty, humanity, as a whole, is in trouble. We’ve dimmed the light of The Source (God/Sex) down to practically nothing. This is dark space, indeed.

Just gimme the light,



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