Got Game? Part II

The Hare and the Tiger, Uffe Christoffersen

Read Part I

The Dating Game is notoriously competitive. For those of us who are in it, we know It’s a Jungle Out There. The Pick-Up Artist (PUA) teaches men how to navigate this rocky terrain, but it's not rocket science, folks. Women have been using similar methods in a different form (i.e. feminine wiles) most of their lives. Same tricks, different trade. What Mystery and other pick-up artists have done is turn the game around. Now men are playing while we sit back and watch them, for instance, “peacock” (i.e. dress to impress).

Seduction Theory became increasing popular among men during the 1980’s. I don’t believe this was accidental. If we look at what was happening in the world, especially in the United States, women were finally starting to see the benefits of the activism and energy the Women’s Movement commanded during the 1970’s . As an oppressed group, women finally gained greater sexual freedom and status with court decisions like Roe v. Wade and the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment. The affect of these impressive strides on our society should not be underemphasized.

Because women enjoy more freedom in their new position and have far more options available than before, it was inevitable; our relationships with men had to change too. Men, who were ill-prepared, encountered this new framework of relating and were understandably confused. Hell, to a point, they still are. Should I open a door for her? Should I offer to pay for the meal or share? Should I make the first move or not? Mystery’s method has been successful because he is teaching men what their father’s never did, but should have. (minus his stance on Sluts, which I whole heartedly disagree with)

Mystery and other Pick-Up Artists clearly have found their place in the market place of ideas because there is a demand for it. The boys are hungry, they are willing to devour any information throwin’ their way like a pack of ravenous dogs. Even if the information is incomplete, faulty, or just plain foolish assholery, it helps them relate to women, and of course, score with the babes.

Yet, some men still can't get it right. Last weekend, I was chatting with a new boy when he started to thoroughly bore me. From his, “Can I come over and tuck you in?” to his “One night with me and you’ll see, baby”- I almost threw up in my mouth. Hello, gross. Needless to say, that won’t be happening anytime soon. His stunning wit and impressive verbal skills reminded me of all the cheesy one-liners I’ve been exposed to over the years. See examples below:

Game that’s almost destroyed my faith in humanity:

All you need is a good dick!

Can I watch?

Guy in too-tight sweater leering with Cosmo in hand: “Hey ladies, you from around here?

"This is Tony, my business partner." (referring to the fat old guy to his left) "Can we buy you a drink purtty lady?"

Here’s my card, sweetie, call me. (wink, wink)

Nice Tits! Wanna dance?

And how bout’ the old “Feelin’ On Your Booty” move-
I walk by and he grabs my ass, and I, unfortunately, break his wrist.

And a few other extremely offensive one-liners:

“Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.”

and

“Your Daddy must’ve been a thief. Why? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.”

God save me. I’m sorry to subject you to those, dear reader.

Sally’s Tricks of the Trade

One trick I have been using for many years, although admittedly somewhat unconsciously, is to enter a room/dance floor/bar with more energy than others around me. I am, by nature, a high energy person, so when the music’s pumping and I’m in the mood, I hit the dance floor with vigor. I’ve danced in clubs in Paris, Budapest, Prague, New York, and Las Vegas- to name a few- and it never fails…approach with high energy and a bit of sass, and you’ll have a crowd of on-lookers assembled in no time.

Peacocking, or dressing for attention, is highly effective as well. Some critics may say if you have a decent personality you should be able to Work It wearing a burlap bag. Yet, dressing for attention doesn’t have to involve displaying all your naughty bits n’ pieces, there are subtle ways to showcase your style. Be interesting, be captivating, but most of all, be yourself. This is called developing your “inner game” which, when done in tandem with peacocking, is an appealing combination.

Next, don’t forget to activate The Gaze. Since most of my hook-ups have been initiated through eye contact only, Sally has perfected this skill. The trick to a good "fuck me gaze" is to remain mysterious, but penetrating. Size up your object like he’s your next meal and then pounce on him. Men have to deal with an enormous amount of pressure to approach, start a conversation, and make the first move. Most are relieved to let you take the driver’s seat for once.

And last, but not least, Ball Busting. Ball Busting should be done in a flirty relaxed way. A secure man with a sense of humor will appreciate your forward approach. However, if he's a little intimidated by you, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’ll keep him on his toes. On Wednesday night, when I was out with three of my most deliciously hot girl friends, I spotted Thee Sexiest Guy in the Room. Sexy Guy was lurking around our circle when I grabbed his arm and asked him what he was drinking. It seemed like a rather girly cocktail for such a burly stud, so I called him out. We joked about it for a few minutes and then moved on to other provocative topics. Although I was definitely not Thee Sexiest Girl in the Room, Sexy Guy was eating out of the palm of my hand.

And that, ladies, is how it’s done.

Happy Friday. ~Sally S.