AFFAIRS IN MY HEAD

Do people remember their little excursions away from reality? Secret crushes? Dreams never satisfied? Lips never kissed? Lust never dies, it thrives inside of us and we carry it from one relationship to the next, hoping and fearing at the same time that our deepest desires will be found out. Will our partner be open to our fantasies? Or will we be made to feel guilty for our more erotic impulses? What stimulates our creativity where sexuality is considered? Should we posses our partners? Owning them and claiming their body as “our territory?”

All are valid questions to address within our relationships. Sexual freedom, especially for women, is a taboo topic in our society. Demeaning words liter our language and images are no better, we, as women, have very little to work with. A healthy sexuality is experienced as a functional, safe, yet fantasy- filled environment to nurture our deepest yearnings. How can we become powerful co-creators with the men (or women!) in our lives? A continued interaction with one singular person in a monogamous relationship often kills creativity/innovation. However, jealously, feelings ownership, a perceived intimacy, and specialness of “self” often keep us from experimenting with multiple partners. A strict adherence to traditional structures in marriages and partnerships makes for bleak future indeed. Do we let societal pressure dictate our experience of love or do we forge ahead on our own road?

The separation of our more beastly natures from who we profess to be during the light of day is a tricky compromise. We all walk the line, some are more repressed than others, yet still we are all still part human and part beast. I say we dignify it. Both sides! I say we refuse to be involved with those who will not have open honest conversations about their sexuality. I say we demand freedom to be our sexy naughty selves and to feel safe and loved at the SAME time! Men should realize this revolution taking place in hearts and minds of many young women today is good for them too! It will enrich their relationships and open the door for more exploration in a most healthy fashion. So, men (or women!) encourage your partner to embrace freedom, be creative, and most importantly…. don’t forget the toys! Have Fun!

Although I never met the person described below, I had many affairs in my head with him. Here’s to you Suren… the lust still thrives….

Proclamation California

You are a long-haired scientist
with a dose of practical Virgo beneath your dark skin
you look like Rococo Juarez with wet eyes that shine
with your try me on style and witty cross-fire

honey, I will see you

blessed with two feet and ten toes
but normalcy doesn’t come easily
for an boy who fantasizes about losing himself in mudslides
and what about tornados in Los Angeles?
there always is a possibility
you could lose more than anticipated

honey, I will see you

yellow tee-shirt and all
with a desert-sun framing the roundest face
smiling with the brownness of the Earth
cactus to your right, and an empty left

honey, I will miss you

A Medieval Mood

Today I saw a picture of my ex in all his finery on a website with photos of his new girlie-friend and immediately was hit with a lust for revenge. This is a normal reaction for me, as my mother would say, "revenge is the best dish served cold." Well, maybe she never said that, but it would've been a interesting piece of worldly wisdom to pass on. Evidently, the "eye for an eye" theory runs deep in the family tree, and on a purely emotional level can be very satisfying to "gut" one's opponent. Do I sound like I'm living in medieval times or just sympathizing with the war machine? I certainly hope not.

On a practical level, revenge is far too time consuming and facilitates the acknowledgement of the other's continued power in one's life. Thus, I am torn asunder. On one side, our more beastly qualities need recognition, but at the same time it should be balanced with reason and our more refined qualities. But, as the many times wise Bloodhound Gang would say, "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals." In celebration, I offer a spiteful vengeful piece I wrote to, as they say, "get the red out." Enjoy!

A Woman in White Never Dies

Now if you dream about me at night when you're clutching her thigh
and you think you've been freed from the curse of me
think again
I know you've settled into domestic tranquility
but when you look at those hands
you wanna rub them over my body again
she crosses your mind in nick of time, just before I'm in
so if you're listening for me in the in-betweens and my voices still echoes eerily
step away from the ledge and get back under your bridge

"They widened and widened, thrusting you both asunder, one from the other". - From the Woman in White by Wilkie Collins.

ERIS: FROM CHAOS

2003UB313 finally has a name, and so from chaos, eventually comes order. Our solar system has been experiencing a major shake-up lately, from the demotion of Pluto to a dwarf planet to the addition of Ceres and Eris as dwarf planets as well. For those of you that haven’t been following the development in our solar system, I offer a re-cap. Mike Brown, an astronomer and academic, discovered in April of 2006, that 2003UB313 (which he nicknamed “Xena” until it was given an official name) was larger than Pluto. Although Professor Brown had discovered many other trans-Neptunian objects (ie objects beyond Neptune), 2003UB313 was the first Neptunian object found that surpassed Pluto in size. Naturally, “Xena”/Eris was considered for planetary status, but astronomers argued that if Xena/Eris and Ceres were admitted as planets, then, it would open the door for an influx of new planets, ultimately, resulting in chaos. Thus, all three trans-Neptunian objects were to be treated uniformly. Basically, in an effort to apply an “all or nothing” approach to our solar system, scientists now have a new, simple definition of what at planet is, and it doesn’t include Pluto. So, where are we now?

We find ourselves at the edge of our solar system, with Neptune as our border or gatekeeper because Neptune is now our last official “planet”. Does anyone else find the idea of Neptune as a BORDER a bit ridiculous? Neptune has never been especially good with boundaries, as it is associated with the formless, dreamy, inspired forms of expressions and being. Think poets with really beautiful ideals and ideas about humanity but little ambition for bring it into reality. Neptunian experiences can certainly be uplifting and creative, but is it an effective border? I don’t think so. All of which points to the boundaries in our world disappearing as technology leads the way, which, by the way, is very Neptune in Aquarius. So, where does Eris (pronounced ee-ris) step in?

In mythology, Eris was known as the goddess of strife and discord. In most mythological texts, she is not described favorably. She, being the sister of Ares, god of war, has all of his nasty traits, but in the female form. Eris was known specifically for her trouble-making and instigation skills, as she has been credited with starting the Trojan War. Eris is also associated with being the Goddess of Disorder, while, her opposite is the Goddess of Order. Does anyone sense a Pisces/Virgo polarity here? With Neptune as our new official “border” and our newest trans-Neptunian object named after the Goddess of Disorder and Strife, one has to wonder, what exactly is happening in our world? Could it be the mass confusion, the lies, and the all wars started for the wrong reasons are producing chaotic responses amongst humanity? I think so. The impact of war is felt collectively and individually, and in the case of Bush’s war, society/the masses are finally starting to wake up. “Staying the course” is no longer a valid option, as America must face and embrace the chaos of living in a fish bowl, where everyone can and will see our mistakes. These lies must be exposed, and in its wake, we will expect chaos, a flood, and a sudden opening in our consciousness. However, it would serve us well to remember the distant icy planet Eris. As she will teach us, from chaos comes a return to order, even when the possibility of healing seems far from reality.

Eris has been blamed for quite a few things already, in her short life as part of our solar system (for example: the demise of Pluto), and so I imagined if Eris could speak this is what she might say:

BLAME IT ON ME: ALANA DAVIS

Leaves change from green to red without notes in tune with time that surrounds
I think that's something that you said back a while when you first started coming around
You and I are from different worlds but that gave us more to share
You'd ask me where I wanted to be and I was happy with you just being there
Now I feel we've got some serious talking ahead and I don't want you to get me wrong
It's just we've become kind of a habit to each other and this can't keep going on
Blame it on Me
Over the past few months through no fault of your own
I've grown disenchanted and I've got to go it alone
Seems the natural thing to do 'cause you can't cling to me if I'm not gonna stick with you
Now take a look at what it's all coming down to
You act like I'm leaving you on the shelf but I don't know how else to say it
Life's a game and we all have to play it
So I've got to look out for myself
Blame it on me
All these changes coming on
And I'm feeling it so strong
You know they've got to be real
It's hard to explain it baby if i can't tell you how i feel
I've been pushing it aside but i can't sacrifice my pride any longer
I thought it would subside
Something I could hide
But it's only getting stronger
Blame it on me