Thursday, November 29, 2007

Ego Games & the Affect on Sex


“if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials
I’d be joining you”

-Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, Alanis Morissette

The other day, as my lover pounded my ass, he informed me that I, Sally Sunshine, have fallen victim to one of the Seven Deadly’s. Excessive Pride. In his opinion, my sinful narcissism was interfering with my listening skills and respect for him as an individual. Flabbergasted, I pulled back and demanded an explanation. He gently removed himself from my hind quarters, and attempted to shave off some of my inflated ego.

According to him, I have an unfortunate habit proclaiming my slut status loudly in mixed company. The guy, predictably, corrects me in public and frowns disapprovingly every time I utter a profane word. Evidently, Sally’s “I’ll do what I want, when I want” attitude has offended him in epic portions. When confronted about my total lack of disregard for social convention, I dismissed it and continued on with my behavior. He used this example to demonstrate how my “excessive pride” was hindering our interactions and any hope for future liaisons.

Now, even if my new lover’s head is inserted in his ass, being prone to belly button examination, I decided to investigate my relationship to ego and pride. Is my ego over compensating for another inadequacy? Am I using my proud stance on sluttiness as purely an ego tool or am I a honest to God slut?

My eagerness to question myself was compounded after a strange experience with a different lover early last week. I found this other lover at the local tavern during Thanksgiving break. A spirited-ballsy Leo, this dude began his formal “how do you do” by throwing a belt around my neck, tightening it up, and pulling me close for a big sloppy kiss. Now, Sally isn’t often overtaken with such brazen force, so, understandably, I was surprised. And sold. I departed with him to an undisclosed location about twenty minutes later.

Upon arrival, I discovered my feelings for my spirited Leo had shifted. He immediately started bragging about how much money his family had, and then, his own materialistic success coupled with his aptitude for nailing bitches. I stifled a yawn, hoping he would at least shut up so I could enjoy the belt without any distractions.

He had stated his intentions to dominate earlier, but I knew I wouldn’t hand over control that easily. When we finally made it to the bedroom, the psychological dynamic was competitive and ego-ridden. Both of us were trying to “one up” the other, in order to be recognized as the most fancy free freak of the pair. Like two lions perched on our thrones, neither one of us were budging to crawl down. Oddly enough, in reality, neither one of us were dominating, our egos, or false selves were instead.

Frustrated, I marched my half-naked ass out of the bedroom to collect my things. Here was my chance to have the sex I really wanted with a perfect stranger and I was throwing it away because of an abundance of ego energy. My spirited Leo, a bit deflated, pleaded with me not to go. Then, he asked an outrageous question. Was my sluttiness just an act, or was I the real deal?

Readers, imagine my disgust. I was offended. Me, not slutty? Sir, I beg your pardon! I quickly responded with my favorite whore-riffic fantasy and relayed all the gory details. Suddenly, my Leo was “filled with the spirit”, and was ready for action. He kindly responded with a sexy secret of his own, and finally, my pussy was wet too. After we discarded any fake pretenses, we ravished each other like lions, barely aware of the throne we jumped down from, but nonetheless, thankful for the renewed burst of psychic energy.

I left my exhausted Leo at 5:30 am, sleeping soundly in his jungle-themed bedroom, to lick his wounds. I also had wounds of my own to consider. Undeniably, I am a first rate slut, but I’ve used my promiscuity as a shield. This shield has been hoisted up against my heart for a long time and it’s served its purpose. However, as I begin to unravel the many layers of my “false self”, I’ve realized ego and pride have no place in the bedroom. And, since what happens in the bedroom is a metaphor for life, ego and pride, when taken to the extreme, will destroy any shot at happiness in life.

False pride, along with fake interactions, and bullshit posturing belongs in the trash can with all the other garbage. I know it’s easier said than done, but, I’m hauling my over-flowing trash bag to the dumpster tonight.

Will you?

Sally Sunshine

7 comments:

C said...

Cathartic revelations of a...where is Leo in your chart again? Bravo to your brutal honesty for the ruminational benefits of those that travel by the Harlot's door and need to check themselves there. I commend you on the inner terrain you bravely attend to as the surface keeps shifting along with the baggage and barriers we must continually shed. We all need to be appreciated for the steps we take - keep speaking from your soul and feeling your truth.

Triple Virgoely yours (ironically enough),

C (Jolly St. Reader)

SallySunshine said...

Triple Virgo C: (aka Jolly St.)

There isn't much Leo in my chart to speak of, actually. And, in truth, Leo's and I don't really gel. Something in their energy annoys me- esp. with regard to Leo men.

The Leo guy I met took me by surprise, I'm not even often attracted to Leos. :)
~SS

C said...

Yet, we are all energies of the zodiac, with some being more pronounced than others, of course. The position of your Sun and it's planetary relationships would give you an indication of how your Leo housematters are handled. That being said they can manifest a serious ego and righteousness that doesn't help - and through a Masculine framework I completely appreciate where you are coming from.

Ahhh the relativities of perception and the varying flavours of energy. Peace until,

C

SallySunshine said...

Sun is in the 8th, picking up squares to Mars, Jupiter, the North Node and an opposition to Uranus.

I hear you with regard to embodying all elements of the zodiac with in one's chart, but with a particular focus on certain energy patterns- or learning certain patterns in a lifetime. I am Pluto's bitch.

~SS

Nicholas Polimenakos said...

remember you don't have to be "Pluto's Bitch" forever.
Use it.
After your done, if you want to be someone's bitch..

C said...

Sun oppose Uranus - social rebel and promethea incarnate! 8th carries Scorpionic qualities and Plutonian depth of feeling and transformation, yet it can also be quite intense to see and feel what is decaying under the surface of mass consciousness; the secrets and self-deception. I am sure balancing the polarities and squares of your chart certainly keeps your edge as well as giving you many a fascinating experience to share with your audience. Looking forward to reading more about it.

Peace until,

C

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