Friday, June 16, 2006

I See a Bad Moon Rising

Recently, I have been initiated into the sacred circle of motherhood. My co-workers threw a party for my “new baby”- they affectionately referred to it as a “kitty shower”. I didn’t have the nerve to tell them I was having second thoughts about taking my “new baby” home, as my thoughts drifted to the challenge of caring for another with trepidation and weariness. Last night, as I “kitty proofed” my apartment, I realized life was indeed changing. All of this focus on motherhood naturally had me thinking about my own mother and our relationship. What a burden it must’ve been for her to be saddled with caring for our every need day and night. The endless sob fests, runny noses, and temper tantrums could drive any normal sane person into postpartum depression. Could I really handle this new responsibility?

As I recall, a few months ago, an ex-boyfriend’s mere suggestion of the possibility of having children nearly drove me over the edge- it was time to get out fast! I broke up with him a few weeks later in an attempt to rid myself of what seemed to be an awful “mommy curse”. Even though, I knew these mommy issues had taken root somewhere in my psyche during youth, as they often do. These “roots” plant themselves firmly in our brains and perform an initiation all on their own. Consciously, we are unaware of their affect, but off-kilter reactions to certain normal adult conversations will reveal the root, or at least a leaf on the tree.

Because the idea of motherhood began to produce violent reactions in me, almost to the point of physical illness, I figured it was time to explore that hypocritical Cancer Moon placed prominently in my 10th house. Shouldn’t my domesticated, pregnant n’ barefoot in the kitchen Cancer Moon embrace the happy little homemaker role? Shouldn’t I be bubbling over with maternal energy, just waiting anxiously for my chance to procreate? Am I supposed to be scouring the Earth for a potential mate with my biological clock ticking away furiously? All research suggests that I should be, with that Cancer Moon shining at the top of my chart. However, if you take a second look you will see Pluto, Lord of Death, staring down my sensitive Cancer moon in a hard tight square. Enter Hades, the invisible death God, bringing us down to the deepest primal level where fears are confronted and life ceases to thrive. It is the icy frozen “night of the soul” or as Shakespeare said, “the winter of our discontent” where life meets death and death meets life. This is not a pleasant experience, folks, but it gets the job done. We leave the Underworld with much greater understanding of ourselves and others, with our invisible armor firmly in place. Right now, I am reading a very insightful book written by Judy Hall called “The Hades Moon”, which discusses the Moon/Pluto combination in all forms. The author herself has strong Moon-Pluto traits and uses her familiarity with the Underworld to help us navigate through our journey- more to come on this book and Moon-Pluto aspects in general.

In closing, I'm posting these song lyrics, which are so appropriately linked to the Moon-Pluto archetype.

Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see a bad moon rising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightnin'
I see bad times today
Don't go 'round tonight
It's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
I hear hurricanes a blowin'
I know the end is commin' soon
I fear rivers over flowing
I hear the voice of rage and ruin
Hope you got your things together
Hope you are quite prepared to die
Looks like we'er in for nasty weather
One eye is taken for an eye

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