Friday, February 23, 2007

Taking a Sample from Every Platter

Jump on the Sexy Train

Dear readers, I’m the luckiest girl ever. I get to kiss boys from all over the world. Naturally, during my quest for global awareness, I’ve strengthened my foreign tongue. Not only that, I’ve learned a thing or two about other parts of the world through another’s eyes, which is pretty valuable experience. However, on a more superficial level, I’ve grown quite accustomed to dating outside of my nationality. Could I date American again? Possibly, but that’s so boring! As if dating someone for an extended amount of time isn’t boring enough, but when you add shared cultural expectations/beliefs to the mix, it’s an even bigger snore fest.

Although, my most recent foreign kissing partner expressed concern about becoming an “experiment”, I maintain that I’m conducting very important research. (within the confines of my mind, at least.) For example, during my studies, I’ve found a correlation between nationality and kissing style.

Even though I am in the beginning stages of my research, allow me to share my observations:

1) South African-

South African men are very passionate. They typically don’t focus on one area; kissing is usually a side note, riding on the coattails of all the other fantastic activities you’ll be engaged in. Also, as a side note, many SA have a distinct ass fetish.

2) Croatian-

I’ve had some trouble with Croatians. Their kiss is usually somewhat urgent, sloppy, and over-eager. In fact, I stopped calling one particular Croatian because kissing him was simply disastrous.

3) French-

The French kiss exquisitely, just as one might expect. Their kisses are slow, deep, and long. Seizing one’s entire body by pulling it inward is a common method a French boy may use to enclose another in rapture.

4) Moroccan-

Similar to the French, these boys are tall, athletic and proud, and believe me, they won’t forget it for a second, even while they’re kissing you. A smattering of little pecks on the cheek may ensue before a full-on kiss is achieved.

5) Swedish-

My research is incomplete on this one. I was fairly drunk. Yet, I remember he was extremely polite. The Swedish are known for their happy-go-lucky personas, and here, the situation was no different.

6) Kosovo-

A little bit sadistic, with a tendency to bite, but overall, a good mixture of good versus evil. Kissing takes on a whole new meaning and can last several hours with a typical native. Don’t forget the chapstick!

7) Romanian-

Romanian’s have a tendency to lead with their noses. If they like the way you smell, you can be certain they’re moving in for the kiss. If you pass the smell test, they’re a fairly romantic group of fellows and will kiss with a dramatic flair.

8) Polish-

Ah yes, the Poles. Quite lovely. Their kisses are abrupt, a little shocking, and usually at an inappropriate time. However, one can’t help but find it endearing, they mean no harm. Proving that, sloppy, if done correctly, can be a turn-on.

9) Spanish-

Not my favorite, I’d have to say. It was a bit too stuffy and rehearsed for me.

How’s that for international flavor? Now, where in the world is that Carmen Sandiego?

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