Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Art of Clever Response


(Disclaimer: Immaturity Abounds)

The wonderful Mz. Plain(s) Feminist has given the old, “Tag, You’re It”, so here I go.

A- Available or Single
Perpetually and irrevocably, single.

B- Best Friend
My comrades, my rocks, my fellow Civil War embalmers, my lovely ladies, my “we’ll grow old together and live in each other’s basements and fuck men because we can”, sisters.

C- Cake or Pie
Cake, specifically the mystery “pink bunny Easter coconut cake” left on my door step at 5:00 am yesterday morning, along with the flowers.

D- Drink of Choice
I like me a tall glass of man.
Actually, no, let me rephrase, I love Sake, especially of the “Mountain of Man” variety, or in a pinch, “Demon Slayer.”

E- Essential Item
A fake Russian accent at an All-American Boys hang-out.

F- Favorite Color
White, it matches my pure Christian moral upbringing. Thanks Mom & Dad!

G- Gummi Bears or Worms
Worms, all the way. Anything delectable shaped like a worm in my book is a-o-k.

H- Hometown
I’m under the spell of L.A. and I don’t wanna be here.

I- Indulgence
Travel, Useless Desire, and Cream Puffs

J- January or February
Both months represent my descent into hell (tax season). January sucks a little bit more because it’s only the beginning, baby.

K- Kids
Pardon Moi? Not in this lifetime!

L- Life is incomplete without:
Jump rope, bubble gum, and boys (the jump rope also moonlights as a whip, cat-o-nine-tails anyone?)

M- Marriage Date
About 400 B.C., isn’t that the last time marriage was even socially relevant?

N- Number of Siblings?
By marriage or blood? First marriage, second, or third? Oh hell, just throw’em all in there. Under that premise, 8.

O- Oranges or Apples?
Oranges, but only if I get to say who, where, and when damnit!

P- Phobias/Fears
That one day I might join MySpace. Eh, yeah.

Q- Favorite Quote
“Send in the clowns!”

R- Reasons to smile
1) Flashing the bartender for beer after last call and getting more, a whole pitcher in fact! (I really took one for the team!)

and

2) Hosting after-hour orgies at my house. That loud slapping noise coming from the basement can’t be good!


S- Season
Spring, all the sprightly fairies come out and bless each and every budding flower with their sweet enchanted kisses.

T- Tag Three People
Red rover, Red Rover send Cassandra Says, Sage, and My Sister over. (My sis doesn’t have a blog, but I trust that she will respond to this because I’ve included her in my will.)

U- Unknown Fact About Me
The night the lights went out in Georgia, I was the second gunman on the grassy noel.

W- Worst Habit
Speaking out of turn, interrupting others, controlling conversations, proving my endless superiority time & time again, oh, and did I mention that I’m a rude bitch?

Y- Your Favorite Foods
Mama buy your babies some papayas and sweet bananas.

Z- Zodiac

Yes, please!

Sally Sunshine’s alternate nickname: Zoodle from the Zodiac, given by sister, Detective Hoodle, witnessed by other sister, Ms. Noodle.

7 comments:

Cassandra Says said...

OK, I'm confused...what am I supposed to be doing?
Sorry, I'm a bit slow today, too much sake last night.

Sage said...

Cassandra, I copied the choices and filled in my preferences here. I think that's right!

sallysunshine_26 said...

Indeedy, Sage. That is right. Thanks for clearing that up. I must've had too much sake the other night as well!

Cassandra Says said...

And done!
You do realise we're all a bunch of drunks, right?

sallysunshine_26 said...

Thanks for participating ladies! Now, just my sister needs to respond. If she wants to remain a beneficiary to my evil empire, that is.

Anonymous said...

A- Available or Single
As facebook would indicate if I was pathetic and shameless enough to post it "it's complicated".

B- Best Friend
the usual people I would thank if I were receiving an academy award.. "my family, my friends and of course my vibrator that I lovingly named Randall... you all have helped me through the most difficult of times (tear)"

C- Cake or Pie
Must find mysterious pink bunny cake...

D- Drink of Choice
I like a good stiff gin when I'm ironing and vaccuuming with a baby on my hip and cig on my lips but it really depends on the occasion

E- Essential Item
My of-course-I'm-too-good-for-you laugh as another random barney attempts to bore me with stories of cattle and corn. It scares them enough to leave me alone

F- Favorite Color
I'm not at liberty to say. I find this question discriminatory

G- Gummi Bears or Worms
Well because bears, in any form, are dead to me, I have to go with worms

H- Hometown
Default answer: Riga, Latvia (small country west of Russia)

I- Indulgence
Getting weird and making people uncomfortable, especially the unsuspecting blockbuster check out boy

J- January or February
February because the month is centered around a slightly gay sprightly fellow who pierces people in the bottom in a menacing plot to control the workings of the universe. Cupid is very, Queer Eye For a Straight Guy meets Star Wars. Good Combo.

K- Kids
The idea of a litter of children and a herd of cattle in South Dakota is all very appealing but not for me. No thanks, NEXT!

L- Life is incomplete without:
Cheap, poorly made, porn on a Sunday afternoon.

M- Marriage Date
Well I did have a mad love affair with a married guy but it wasn't really a "date" per se. Next Question

N- Number of Siblings?
well 3 but constructivley 5. (For those who don't endeavor in law, constructively means judicially borne)For details, talk to my publicist.

O- Oranges or Apples?
Both. I refuse to be limited by an on-line survey or anyone else!

P- Phobias/Fears
That one day people will quit telling me, "You don't fit in around here"

Q- Favorite Quote
I (arch eyebrow like James Bond) have an account"

R- Reasons to smile
Sitting in Church and finding humor in the word, flogged

S- Season
Well since every season in South Dakota is cold and cloudy with an 80% chance of depression, I'll take any season outside of South Dakota for 200 Alex.

T- Tag Three People
I'de like to send a shout out to all my peeps on the street that keep it real and of course my sister for putting me in her will. WORD!

U- Unknown Fact About Me
Sometimes I pass gas and blame it on my 8-month-old niece... was that too much information???

W- Worst Habit
(Speaking out of turn, interrupting others, controlling conversations, proving my endless superiority time & time again, oh, and did I mention that I’m a rude bitch?) - Sally sunshine, we just may be related. I too am a controlling, arrogant, bitch!

Y- Your Favorite Foods
Every food in my house decays so I guess anything without mold or hair. I think the decay is somehow symbolic of my life but I'm working on a clever pun to explain it.

Z- Zodiac

Pop a CAPricorn Biatch
with my 8th sun in the 7th house of fabulous.

Am I still in the will?

sallysunshine_26 said...

Hey lil' sis!

Did you stop by my blog to (arch eyebrow) open an account?
Tee Hee, snicker, snicker... love you girl.

And P.S., Tyrone still hasn't picked up his shit! But his friends, Bob, Rob, and Tom came over *again*. Gesh.