Game On, Part III

Read Part I

Read Part II

An old flame visited in me during the wee hours of the night. It was humid, and I had been burning eucalyptus incense for hours. And even though the air was heavy and I hadn’t seen him for months, he was hot…hot under his shirt, his face, his ears. I complimented him, told him I missed him, and got down on my knees by the chair in front of him. I kissed his stomach, bit his nipples, and pulled him off the chair and into my bedroom.

To be certain, I was ready for it-- hardcore humiliation and violent slapping, PLEASE.

There is a certain amount of sexual rage inherent in the BDSM scene. Some of us want a loud, screaming, fist-pounding fuck fest. And I must say, writing about it has not helped matters. I want it more. Images of electric red and black bodies slapping hard against each other in the darkness have been creeping into my psyche for weeks now. Along with the music (think Marilyn Manson on Acid x 100), the soundtrack in my head hasn’t been pretty either.

Am I mentally ill? A sexual deviant? Should I be committed to an asylum? Maybe given electro-shock therapy?

Not that long ago, I would’ve been labeled as such- a psychotic lady in need of some serious therapy. Sadomasochism was considered a psychiatric/sexual disorder until the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) reclassified “consenting adults” as exempt from this label. Seems as though adults are allowed to engage in whatever activities they’d like to in the privacy of their homes. And since the psychiatric community now considers us “normal”, we have all been healed! Great! Woo hoo!

We are no longer treated like outcasts, “weirdos”, freaks, or referred to as mentally ill.

Or not.

There still are a lot of misconceptions about those who practice BDSM. The opposition will suggest reasons like childhood abuse, improper bonding with a parental figure, addiction, and the old,“we think you’re just plain crazy.” And to an extent, it may be true. Alternative lifestyles attract those on the fringes of society (radicals), which could increase the presence of victims and/or perpetrators of past abuse. Notice I said “could.” In any given group, you will find victims/abusers, which is not all that shocking really. The main issue involves classifying all BDSM’ers as “victims” or “abusers”, ignoring that there are normal folks who enjoy a good ass slap every now and then. Hey, it happens.

So, why? Why practice BDSM? Society definitely does NOT support it. Even worse, it shuns those who participate in it. Also, doesn’t it hurt?--- as in... my, those nipple clamps are mighty tight. Well, yes indeed, they are. However, the point is to move outside of the ordinary and challenge ourselves physically and emotionally. We all live in a world that thrives on social order where we must maintain our polished image. This is the face we show others like our colleagues, bosses, children, and students. Where, then, can we REALLY be ourselves? For some, the beast is released sexually- with partners and/or alone. Others may channel their soul energy into different aspects (art, music, service ect..) of their lives. We all need somewhere to land, a place where we can see ourselves being ourselves.

For some, BDSM does just that. Of course, there are other reasons such as:

1) Empowerment, self-expression, and self-gratification
2) To create or allow for a new form of gender expression (female dom, male submissive)
3) To impress/stimulate one’s partner
4) To get lost in a fantasy (i.e. escapism)
5) To explore power structures outside of the normal realm of experience (a dominant personality in “real” life versus a submissive personality in sexual situations or vice versa)

If you have engaged in any form of BDSM (from the most basic to the advanced acts), and feel comfortable leaving a comment either anonymously or otherwise as to your reason why, please do so. Sharing is caring.

Stay tuned for an upcoming post about practical user-friendly BDSM toys and possible “scenes” for beginners to integrate into your sexual life.

Also, as an added bonus for you history buffs…

Check out this site.

There is an especially intriguing piece of art on the right hand side of the page called The Binding and Flaggelation of Christ.

Until next time, SS